I always remember that salvation means wholeness. As cheesy as it sounds, we do have a God-shaped hole that only He can fill. Contrary to Hollywood's belief your mate cannot complete you. Complement maybe, but complete no way. Single people are just as whole as married, hello! And God is more than capable of filling that need. I listened to a tape on "toxic love" by Malcolm Smith today. Toxic love is the kind that kills relationships--family ones, spousal ones, friend ones, bf/gf ones... Yep. It's love that is dangerously wielded in a sick powerful way. It's very CONDITIONAL. One example is if I am not complete in Christ I have carry shame in me for one reason or another. (there are many christians who don't recognize their completeness in Christ and have not acknowledged to Him that they need his love b/c they are too busy covering their shame of the fact that they cant make life work for them but anyway...) To cover this shame I must find a way to feel good about myself so I find my happiness/significance in your smile. Because if you are feeling bad or doing bad then it's definitely either my fault or up to me to fix you or both. Yikes! What responsibility! I carry around as much responsibility as God does...to do the things only HE can do. And HE can only do them if people yield their will to Him to work how HE wants! (So you see I have taken on an impossible task and am destined for failure). Well, I don't want anyone to know I'm a failure, or let you down by not fixing you, so I cover it up more by toxic loving you more and the shame builds up and I keep toxic loving to hear that one remark of approval, get that one pat on the back, experience the opportunity to be your messiah. Please love me! Will you please? Will YOU fill my cup... and toxic love me back? ???

ugh. sickening. and for some reason we make excuses and give out of our need in total selfishness. God has a different plan.

God does not NEED us! He is totally content in and of himself in relationship with the son and the spirit. intimate. deep. satisfied. And out of HIS fullness (lacking in nothing) He loves us. He CHOOSES to love us out of deep pure agape love. He has no underlying motive. He is not offended if you dont love Him back because he is secure in who he is, and is not dependent on your response! He IS love! And He offers this fullness, this wholeness, this...
SALVATION!

As far as the joy of my salvation goes... something i have learned is it's not a feeling but it's something you know. The word says "then you will KNOW the truth and the truth will set you free"(John 8:32) not then you will feel. But the more you know His joy, the more you dialogue with Him and not yourself or the lies the more often your feelings will line up. You will find yourself recognizing lies, handing them over to Jesus at the cross, and experiencing freedom from bathing in the truth. I have so much joy in knowing that God is in control. If something tough happens, I feel sad sometimes but it's not overwhelming. It's probably at a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1-10...most of the time. The joy i have received from Father is abundantly more. HIS fullness dwells IN me and all i do it let Him stir it up! He is so real! He has freed me from the toxic love cycle to participate in a divine love relationship that is secure, deep, intense, unchanging, and satisfying to no end. THIS is eternal life: Knowing God... John 17:3 and that is going on right this very second. You don't have to wait! Just participate!

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