I am currently going though a little something...causing some mental turmoil... so... one thing i do know is that i am in a fog but praise the lord for it. i don't just need Him every hour- i am so desperate that i need him every SECOND! My head is in such turmoil that i can't even think outside of the moment.. i can't even live in the moment- that is too long. i need Him every fraction of a second to sustain me. he has really brought me to surrender here and extreme dependence... the scary thing is i think that is how it's meant to be. total dependence, and more often than not it takes suffering, loneliness, trauma, you name it, it takes tough stuff to come to deeper and deeper dependence.(consider His servant Job) i am scared of what may be to come and that he may ask for more dependence but i can rest and know that i only have to take it one second at a time. i can trust him for a second as He guides me into the next. Boy, am I squeezing His hand tight!

PEACE does not lie in my circumstance!! I sometimes find myself trying to be a 'peace-maker' which is a flesh pattern of mine and fix things and make peace happen. what does God say? Well he doesn't promise life will be easy, stress-free, or always happy. He says simple 'be still and Know that I am God" In other words STOP! Stop trying to fix it yourself and make sense of things and know that I am God who provides all peace and sustenance. There is peace and rest in the midst of this. and you will find it no where else.

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