no deep theological thoughts for today- just a little story- make it theological if you will... i now know that i was not made to be an e.r. nurse... bone marrow transplant, land of long term patients, here i come! it's ALL hard manual labor but anyway...

e.r. story for the day:
i had a certain patient for 6 hours in the er today- an 18 yr old black girl w/ a seizure and an abcess that had to be cut open in an unmentionable place ... as if that wasn't traumatic enough her mom ( i believe... prob not too much older than the daughter) told me as it was time to leave that 'we should hang out sometime'
i was like o really
'yeah' she said... (and i have no idea at this point where this is going)
then i think she's from far away so i go ahead and ask where she hangs out
'in the --- club down town'
pardon? i say...
"in the GAY club down town' ....
keeping my cool (i think) i say 'oh, i have never been to a gay club before'
she says 'oh yeah, dont get worried when the women start dancing around you, it's all good- it's all girls'
and i make a remark about 'yeah, girls are more fun sometimes' and made my way out of the room. yikes.
what would ya'll have said? the nurse i was with asked me 'didn't you tell her you're straight?'dangit.... i didn't think of that one...typical me

the only word that the Lord gave me was "accept"
even when people freak me out or might think i am weird ... accept them... and know that I am accepted regardless of how others perceive me as I walk in the ways the Lord has called me and created me uniquely to be.

p.s. i went to a barlow girl concert and as some of you know i have quite an affinity for barlow girl... a band of 3 sisters who rock out :) oh to jam on a bass guitar... oh to start over and get really good at an instrument... music is so cool and you can see the journey these girls have been on and their hearts and walks w/ the Lord through their songs... they are the type that can't contain what God has done and it over-FLOWS into their music. . . the new album is called 'another journal entry' so you can imagine what that's like. i like it i love it i want some more of it... jesus that is !

I have heard enough John Piper to know the 'chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever"(Desiring God) and I was kinda playing around with the phrase "chief end" and was thinking how the result of the big spiritual words that we talk about that make up the gospel and Christianity as we know it all lead to what I think is His Ultimate Intention, His Heartbeat, His Character when you ask why you will see what I mean:
WHY did He make Adam if He knew He would 'mess up'?
I think Father values life- He delights in His creation- He is LOVE and Love is expressed when it has an object- before the foundations of time there existed Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--a beautiful picture of relationship. Father knew the 'first Adam' would fall but it was His joy to send a 'second Adam' to redeem His people- It wasn't a plan "B" but His ultimate intention to restore relationship with Himself through faith. We were important enough to Him so send a solution- We were His in the first place- He made us, so now we are doubly His : created by Him and bought by His blood... that He may exist in fellowship and relationship with us.
WHY did He send Jesus?
Sin- i.e.Adam's rejection of God's provision, Adam believing that He could be as God(P-r-i-d-e) separates us from God. I imagine a loving Father, a Jealous God, could not bear for His precious people to live unto idols of self and the world... so "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us" So we would see HIS greatness, HIS glory, HIS selfless love (He does not NEED us, yet He loves us out of who He is) so He could be united with us- in complete unity- in intimate relationship.(Christ IN you the Hope of Glory)
Saves us from His wrath- I can't imagine any worse torture than being eternally separated from God- and neither can HE.

WHY did He forgive us in Christ?
because sin separates us from Him and He wants us to be in relationship with Him

WHY does He sanctify us?
He want to renew our souls from the inside out, disciplining us and purifying us so he can bring us to deep intimacy (in His power) and and deep trusting relationship with Him (don't you agree that trusting someone is part of true intimacy- trusting someone to see you and all your faults but accepting them wholeheartedly- so He can pour His love over you?!!)

WHY does He bring problems and trials in our lives?
Like He does in sanctification, He is faithful to relieve us of our own means of control, shows how His ways are better, thus producing a deeper dependence on Him to be the solution to problems and trials, therefore producing intimacy which equals RELATIONSHIP.

See, I don't think He purifies us just for the sake of good and bad... He has much greater purposes for us. I dont think He forgives us just because that's what we need/have to have. Ask HIM why? I have a feeling He will reveal more answers and you read the scripture with an open heart. Read them like a love letter not a 'honey-do' list. Whatever you do- do all for the glory of God... Whatever is not done in faith is sin (so that perfect sunday school attendance gets you no points if you were doing it for fleshly reasons: self image, peoplepleasing/getting acceptance, earning some righteousness... these are things that God can sufficiently provide to you and me without our help!) We go to church to know Him! through fellowshipping with others, through trusting and depending on our great Father to do what HE wants to do through our presense there (which is usually not what we think He wants to do- He's cool like that- I think He does things out of the box, well, so we can depend on Him more, listen to Him more, and therefore KNOW HIM MORE!)

He loves us out of His fullness- His overflow. He desires to know us- to be intimate with us... just look at the cross and listen to the gospel. Let is speak to your deepest needs today. acceptance? check- need met totally in Christ- can't feel it? believe it with that mustard seed of faith- He will honor it and plant that seed deep inside so it will grow. Oh He want to know you, and the depths of knowing HIM- just ask. wait. believe. He's able to do what He said He would do:

The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. (HE LIVES IN YOU, BELIEVER!)
And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places wher they should live. (could that go for us too? I believe so...)God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for Him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'we are his offspring' Acts 17:24-28

God is purposeful. God is near. Seek him and you'll find Him. Dont give up. He is working in you whether you know it or not. If you are believer, you are living on a field with a huge inheritance in it. Think of it like this: You have an eternal reserve of oil in this field. It's yours, you just dont know it yet until you start to dig a little, sweat a little, seek a little... Then, it's only a matter of time before you strike oil.

He wants to know you. Please BELIEVE it!

Can I tell you how much I love Auburn?.... Oh I do. And I hate working in the emergency room here- it's nothing like all you think it would be. Nursing is hard labor- ya'll shold try it. Anyway my thoughts for the past couple of days have centered around this:

I think one of the biggest hindrances to living the christian life is thinking that it's up to us.... that we have the power to glorify God in and of ourselves. I like this song because it puts the power in His hands...

You're the one who chased us
You're the one who started all of this
You're the one who dreams
You're the one who loves

So let us respond

Yours-the voice that calls us
Yours- the hands that hold us
When we have come undone
You're the one who loves

So let us respond

We are free, we are free in you God
(Robbie Seay Band)

A simple definition of grace to me is "GOD does it" and like i said in the posts before we are to simply respond by placing our faith in this great, amazing God. So let us respond- let us respond.
If GOD does it, we respond- how can we not when He reveals himself to us? And on the days when He doesnt seem present we walk in faith, knowing that He is great and choose to believe that truth. (Isn't that our expression of faith- believing what we cannot sense/see/feel?)
Our response? Worship Him, solely for His greatness, and that He has us where he has us for a reason. This keeps Him in his rightful place in our lives: in the center- on the throne.

Today is just a shadow of things to come.

Hebrews 11:1- Faith- I can't see Him but He's REAL. My amount of faith does not determine how big God is.
11:4- Faith is a heart motivation and faith that pleases God is faith in Him- believing HE will do what He says He will do- even when everything around us tells us 'no way'
11:13- Reminds me of the power of faith to control and sustain my life
11:33- Faith has the power to :
subdue kingdoms, administer justice, obtain promised blessings, close the mouth of lions...and more
11:39- And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, 40since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect.

12:1- Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

and verse 2(the one that brought me here in the first place...) looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Yep, it's HIS job- our responsibility is to look to Jesus. Eyes off self. Look to Jesus. the founder(some versions say Author) and perfecter of our faith! It's simple. Ha. Not easy, but simple :) Continue to let HIM transform you because He is more faithful than we can imagine. He wants to make you into the likeness of Jesus, and most of all He wants to enjoy His child. You.

why are you so ashamed? what are you trying to hide? do you think God can't see it? why are you putting those fig leaves (see the story of adam and eve) trying to cover your struggles and imperfections? why? do you think you have to make yourself perfect to be presentable to God before He would rescue you? Do you really think you have the power to perfect yourself anyway? I think Satan has many believers in bondage by causing them to become obsessed with their sin instead of the savior. There are so many defeated believers around who are caught in this lie.

psalm 139.... he even knows our thoughts! He knows all, and He know all about us so much so that He knows more than we do about ourselves. (confused yet?) He can actually reveal to us stuff about ourselves that we had no clue about.

who am i to try to hide and be ashamed...if I find myself in this place I tell myself the gospel truth: He accepts me! That's the beauty of the gospel. Brennan Manning says "He loves us just as we are and not as we should be since none of us is as we should be"

How about that?! How about responding to that... does that not free you up?! We are free to not give in to the devil's deception that "we can't approach God because we are not good enough"... He died for us "while we were yet sinners" Sooo... How does that free me up, you say? Well think about it like this... if you know you are loved and totally accepted regardless of your performance doesn't that free you up to walk in love (think about a child and parent) instead of in fear. You are free to be who He created you to be: in the image of Christ Jesus. You are the beloved so BE- loved! You've seen him or her before- the one who knows she is loved. She has a skip in her step, a light about her, and a twinkle in her eye. Well I believe God wants us to believe that He loves us in that same special way. He considered us valuable enough to die for us even while we were still sinners- He paid the life of His most precious Son for our lives that he might have RELATIONSHIP with us- not simply to redeem us and eradicate the debt that was owed for sin but ultimately that we may KNOW him and GLORIFY Him forever!

So what do we have to be ashamed of? God's not afraid of our sin, He has declared victory over it. He has freed us from the power of it. Who are we to think that we are supposed to be perfect in and of ourselves anyway? GOD does it. Grace says "GOD DOES IT" Not I who live but Christ lives in me. He is the only goodness in me. He is my source. I just get to walk in it. It's a gift. It's too good to be true, so it just might be the GOSPEL!

saw this posted on my nursing unit and thought it was pretty awesome. it shows the provision of the Lord in every area of our lives, to meet every need! and He does is for relationship and for His glory... read on!

A NEW LOOK AT PSALM 23~
The Lord is my Shepherd -That's Relationship
I shall not want -That's Supply (I'm lacking in nothing!)
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures -That's Rest (yep, He "maketh's" you)
He leadeth me beside the still waters -That's Refreshment
He restoreth my soul -That's Healing (soul: our thinker/feeler/chooser where He renews our mind!)
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness -That's Guidance (HE leads, not me! That's freedom!)
For His name's sake -That's Purpose (for HIS glory!)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death -That's Testing(-that we may KNOW Him!)
I will fear no evil -That's Protection
For Thou art with me -That's Faithfulness
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies -That's Hope
Thou anointest my head with oil -That's Consecration (He has called us HIS- set apart and holy!)
My cup runneth over -That's Abundance
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life -That's Blessing
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord -That's Security
Forever -That's Eternity!

He is ALL we need!

what does it look feel like/look like to be totally dependent upon Christ, welcoming the flow of His life through you in even the little things: well here's a little email conversation between and friend of mine and me- yep, it's a real life example... i know we've all been there, and God used a difficult relationship in her life to surface what He's wanting to do in her heart:

I said:

God> used [this tough thing in your life] to accomplish HIS purpose:
which is intimacy by way of a deeper> dependence springing out of an even
deeper NEED! praise the Lord to be> living (and believing) at the utter END
of your SELF! that lovely tension> that feels like you're gonna fall flat on
your face but somehow someway He's> got you.... and sooner than later you
enjoy this once umcomfortable position> because HE is doing the work and you
are just leaning into HIDING in HIM!> > praise Jesus for your life
and the hard stuff and the easy... going through> this i pray will continue
to awaken you to your need for Him, a desperate> one at that, even in the
pleasant times because you remember where you> really stand when all is
stripped totally. That's what GOD operates out of:> totally unashamed
barenakedness yet covered in Him alone.Total dependence> for everything... HE
is the vine and you are the branch! Yay! I see he has> "finally" -goh- come
after you!> > i love you

She responded:

that is it. He's got me to a place where I feel SO
uncomfortable.exposed even. and it FEELS like I'm walking on the edge of a cliff
attimes and I don't even know (symbollically) how to call for help. It'slike I
don't even know how to pray anymore. I'm completely disabled.But the Lord in His
faithfulness reminded me that "the Spirit alsohelps in our weaknesses. For we do
not know what we should pray for aswe ought, but the Spirit Himself makes
intercession for us withgroanings which cannot be uttered...He makes
intercession for thesaints according to the will of God." It is totally NOT up
to me towalk by the Spirit. Later in the chapter, Paul says that if the Spiritof
Christ is in me, then my body is dead because of sin, but theSpirit is life
because of righteousness. It's a matter of walking byFAITH to know that even
though (like in Romans 7) I don't understandwhat I do, for "what I will to do,
that I do not practice; but what Ihate, that I do." This is my heart: "For I
DELIGHT in the law of Godaccording to the inward man. But I see another law in
my members,warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity
tothe law of sin which is in my members"...He will deliver me!! I'm justgonna
have to trust that HE is in charge of the LIFE of CHRIST withinme and that I'm
just a partaker in this life. I give up. It's sostrange and boy does it ever
keep getting stranger - but I give up forthe rest of my life. you can definitely
say that my relationship andmy walk with the Lord is a unique one - definitely
not what I sawcoming. ha! but I will trust taht He is bringing me to a place
that isimpossible to get to without going this road. i will trust. i
willtrust.love you more

sarah kelly- an edgy singer who is definitely surrendered to the life of Father - almost pleading for Him to move her and in her... some lyrics that go exactly with the previous post and is the anthem for the day:

I choose to trust you even through the fire
Even when my eyes can’t see, yes, I know you’re right beside me
And I will always praise you Lord
No matter what may come
Because you are always faithful to me

So I will dream and I believe that what you’ve promised soon I will see
Soon I will see

It’s just a matter of time til I see your face, til I dance in your presence, and sing of your grace
It’s just a matter of time til I hear you say ‘well done’

I surrender to your will, to your way, to your plan
All I have and all I am… all I am

It’s just a matter of time…

she's on i tunes. she's cool.

but moreso the lyrics are cool... we all know that faith is a choice right? it's being SURE of things HOPED for (not things we already feel or have. . . i think those have already come to pass!). He asks for continuous faith... belief. so many of us say... well i know who I am : righteous, beloved, forgiven, but it's so hard to apply it, to live it. well to that i say "just BELIEVE it!" surrendering the right to feel the truth see the truth or understand it... give Him willing believing heart and He will honor it. yes, the GOSPEL is saving power to those who ARE believing. Present tense. ha.... It has no power for those who once believed or who plan on believing later.

The Gospel is so cool... just when you think you are in the depths of misery, loneliness, uncertainty... he covers you. and covers you, and covers you. Because HE can! HE wants to lift us out and we can never lift ourselves out in the way that He does. Just when I think I am a miserable unlovable person and almost start to claim that he speaks truth over me. and covers me with amazing Grace and enables me to continue this road.

By faith alone... all things experienced here are but a shadow of what is really to come! Praise the Lord that it's only a matter of time (time is a small thing in God's economy: he is not bound by it!) til we see Him and hear "well done" wow. it makes me wanna slow down and hear from Him now: "what would you have me do Lord!?"

i highly recommend going to 268generation.com and listening to louie's grace series. i just listened to the second talk in the series. He talks about how it's so easy to take the easy way through life but you miss out on the reward... the eternal one that is. what a joy it will be to throw down our crown at the feet of our Jesus- He has given us the grace to do things anyway. I think we become so comfortable with 'who we are' in Christ that the word 'do' scares us.

I pray that I understand grace even more so that it makes me an active believer who definitely yields to Christ since He wants to do life for me, and my heart motive is not to earn status or recognition, my motive is a 'want to' not necessarily for Christ or for a certain end(just for a reward or so i'll look good in the kingdom: these are self-centered not Christ centered motives), but because Christ 'wants to' in me. I am sure there's so much he wants to do in an through us to accomplish His eternal purpose:

His people in intimate relationship with Him.

And as we trust him to do this we grow in intimacy with Him. We learn to hear Him clearly and trust Him unashamedly without caution or regret. Our loving Savior is trustworthy you know?!

I got nothing but the grace of God, that is. How often to I look to lesser Gods for my self worth and security only to be disappointed and shake my fist at him... "Why did you allow that God?"

Secure life in Christ is living only in Him. It's seeing things from HIS perspective. And it's only by His grace that I can even begin to see that much: a total gift. Disappointment and discontentedness may last a moment, but HE is consistent and never changing. I have to prech that to myself constantly.

The same God who delivered me out of those lies, that bondage, that desperation is with me today and is more than capable of giving that if only I will receive it... *note to self: yes, Grace is still a free gift!

Could it be that things aren't as we hoped so that He can show himself to be true hope?
Could it be that he keeps us from feeling the truth until we will simply believe it by faith and not feeling?
Could I be an idiot for thinking that the more tangible thing is the real thing?
Possibly so... and now there is a choice to be made:
To believe or not to believe: that's the question.
Not only am I a woman of grace but one of truth. Grace without truth is a license to throw grace on the back burner and live for myself. Grace with truth, walking in truth and REALITY of HIM and His life- is true freedom: Freedom to be who he created me to be and to enjoy Him in each moment. No longer a slave to lies, disappointment, and discontentment.
*note to self: You, my friend, are HIS. Nothing less.

i have a cool new alarm clock i got for my b'day from dear ol' dad... it's an ipod alarm clock where the ipod charges all night and you can wake up to your choice of music. i have mine set on shuffle and this morning i got to listen to a john piper sermon on worship. he said 'are you worshipping God so to can get the blessing? It's as if you are you are saying " i don't want you God, i want the thing!'

hmmm so obvious but so subtle in life. i so often ask so much of Him but He continues to humble me. That in and of itself is amazing. How HE (not even me humbling myself, but HE... and I acknowledge and yield to it) humbles me in HIS sovereign grace. And Christ IN me gives me the power to say 'yes'.

He is the end all beat all above all of all things. HE. Father. God! It's all about Him and His glory and when I stop and think that I wanted the 'thing' I am blown away because He is so much greater. Why would I even worship that?

Lord I confess to you that I struggle with wanting things more than You! I declare today with my lips that NOTHING compares to you! You are bigger than time or space or anything my finite mind can conjure up. Not only that, but you are more glorious and beautiful and powerful and magnificent than words can describe. You are greater than words and I'll stop now that I may sit in your presense, declaring you are King of All.

why didn't anyone tell me about this season of life? i know i am not the only one b/c i am hearing it from the many of us who are in our twenties: where am i and what in the heck am i doing? i believe it was rachel who said it best when she said 'post college is the new middle school' i would even say it's worse. better in some ways (like, there aren't as many mean people i dont think, orrr... the mean people are just really good at it and they just deceive you instead) but worse in others (like you don't have the luxury of your life decisions being crystal clear... the obvious answer to "what will i do after 7th grade?" is always oh, I will go on to 8th, if i dont pass i will just try again! life is simple" . yikes. who can you trust to tell you the next step in this crazy world? i am tired of hearing 'get ahead' 'plan for the future' 'you have to achieve, work harder, beat everyone else out' is that really what we want?

we (yes me, mer, and jared) went to see crash tonight at the dolla' theater (and yes, i am campaigning for adoption by this precious couple). it was somewhat disturbing to see corruption and murder and all that comes with it, but like i've said before, those things are only symptoms of deeper issues. sandra bullock's character realized that it was not her stolen car that made her angry, but she had actually been angry for years and doesn't know why. (and anger itself is always a symptom of a deeper hurt or fear, right?).

it's amazing how feelings can take such a toll on you. enought 'feeling' can bring physical pain, emotional pain, and spiritual pain... it's amazing how that movie just stirred me up in a way that would bring some of my own issues to the surface. sometimes that's just what it takes. my mentor from the summer who is a kindred spirit of mine in the way of how we deal emotionally would always talk about how important it is to get 'em out... and if it takes a sad movie or song to do so, go for it. offer those up to the Lord, and receive the exchange. hm. i feel like i have been making more exchanges lately than ever before. joy for mourning. beauty for ashes. and more...

the world around us so often dictates and requires that we feel and act a certain way- asking for uniformity and conformity for some reason: just the opposite of what i believe God wants- We are reflections of His life and He has innumerable qualities and characteristics, feelings and desires.... so he made us in His image to let those out. Yet we live in the box the world throws around us, binding us and leaving us to e another face in the crowd. Then we buy the lie that God sees us as another face in the crowd too. Thank goodness He is totally 100% NOT that way!

We all have heard Psalm 139 a billion times (especially if you are a girl...) but I choose to receive life from this psalm because I need to know I am special, I need to know I am significant, and I need to know I am somebody. Resting in Christ meets these needs by faith while the world preaches the opposite. My prayer is that HE is the reality of our lives. This world and the forces of worldly thinking rushing all around us and, lets be honest, sometimes captivate us for some reason to think that this tangible touchable stuff is what it's all about is but a shadow, and breath, and it will be insignificant in the blink of an eye. He will still be because he was and is and is to come.

So what's MY reality today? Well that God is sovereign and the source of all things- MY reality is that my circumstances cannot change my joy and feelings for " 2It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. 3As the heavens for height, and the earth for depth, so the heart of kings is unsearchable. 4Take away the dross from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel; 5take away the wicked from the presence of the king, and his throne will be established in righteousness. " (Prov. 25) If i want to be or not I am still a part of the bigger masterpiece that He is orchestrating.

-I can rest because if He wanted me to have a family to come home to, He would give them, but he wants me in a strange city that's big and kinda scary that I may know Him more intimately. -I can rest because if He wanted me to have friends that are walking this road right beside me he would provide them but for now it's my job to know Him more intimately and He is keeping me to it.
-I can rest because if He wanted me feeling comfortable, safe, and floating around in a pleasant happy time He would orchestrate that, but He has allowed this new transition phase that I might be displeased with the temporary highs of the world for the sake of knowing Him in a raw and real way. He's the adventure.

HE


is Life.


all other things will fade, but HE who is not bound by space or time and is an inconceivable being who somehow had baptized us into His life and shares it with us now is here, intimately connected with us by faith. the spiritual me is the real me, and what a mystery that truly is... "2It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out." Good thing it's about His glory and not ours. Good thing He has the upper hand in being the creator and orchestrator of all, leaving us desperately depending on Him for every need.

go to merediths blog... it basically explains my life lately: somewhat slow and boring but at least we have each other!!!

http://meredithjsmith.blogspot.com/2005/09/star-struck-in-bham.html

i knew the Lord would use this next year to make real the things i learned this summer. this is so fun to record my personal examples as he solidifies what's really important.

i really enjoy the phrase "it's all gonna burn". I often use it when i stop and realize i am worrying about something ridiculous or i am in an uncomfortable situation, but really what exactly IS gonna burn? material stuff? sure. but what else? i would venture to say the motives of our hearts. things done not trusting the life of Christ to do it through us/things done in our own strength/taking credit for the fruit of our own lives is something that is of "wood, hay, and stubble" as KJV says opposed to life in the Spirit, which is compared to gold!

and isn't it cool what he does in our lives, like Job said: "10But He knows the way that I take [He has concern for it, appreciates, and pays attention to it]. When He has tried me, I shall come forth as refined gold [pure and luminous]." It's part of that beautiful sanctification. It's His job to heat up that gold, testing it and purifying it when He skims off the dross... little by little the impurities are removed.

Acknowledging an all powerful God and that the results are His is foundational to understanding His economy:
in the Spirit= tapping into the Life within us.
Living in Eternity today: He IS eternal life, He IS the only being that is eternal and we share in that today! We were baptized into His life at the moment when we placed our faith in Him. This is so central to understanding that real life (life that lasts and stands all tests) is solely in Christ Jesus.

1 Cor 3 says it better than I could:

7So neither he who plants is anything nor he who waters, but [only] God Who makes it grow and become greater. 8He who plants and he who waters are equal (one in aim, of the same importance and esteem), yet each shall receive his own reward (wages), according to his own labor.
9For we are fellow workmen (joint promoters, laborers together) with and for God; you are God's [b]garden and vineyard and field under cultivation, [you are] God's building.(A)
10According to the grace (the special endowment for my task) of God bestowed on me, like a skillful architect and master builder I laid [the] foundation, and now another [man] is building upon it. But let each [man] be careful how he builds upon it,
11For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is [already] laid, which is Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
12But if anyone builds upon the Foundation, whether it be with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,
13The work of each [one] will become [plainly, openly] known (shown for what it is); for the day [of Christ] will disclose and declare it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test and critically appraise the character and worth of the work each person has done.
14If the work which any person has built on this Foundation [any product of his efforts whatever] survives [this test], he will get his reward.
15But if any person's work is burned up [under the test], he will suffer the loss [of it all, losing his reward], though he himself will be saved, but only as [one who has passed] through fire.(B)
16Do you not discern and understand that you [the whole church at Corinth] are God's temple (His sanctuary), and that God's Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, [c]collectively as a church and also individually]?
17If anyone [d]does hurt to God's temple or corrupts it [[e]with false doctrines] or destroys it, God will [f]do hurt to him and bring him to the corruption of death and destroy him. For the temple of God is holy (sacred to Him) and that [temple] you [[g]the believing church and its individual believers] are.
18Let no person deceive himself. If anyone among you supposes that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool [let him discard his worldly discernment and recognize himself as dull, stupid, and foolish, without true learning and scholarship], that he may become [really] wise.(C)
19For this world's wisdom is foolishness (absurdity and stupidity) with God, for it is written, He lays hold of the wise in their [own] craftiness;(D)
20And again, The Lord knows the thoughts and reasonings of the [humanly] wise and recognizes how futile they are.(E)
21So let no one exult proudly concerning men [boasting of having this or that man as a leader], for all things are yours,
22Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas (Peter), or the universe or life or death, or the immediate and [h]threatening present or the [subsequent and uncertain] future--all are yours,
23And you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.

This beautiful passage not only clarifies WHO you are (a temple, Christ's, God's, sacred, the dwelling place of God's spirit) but also How to live- He states it clearly that the world's wisdom is foolishness, haha, absurdity and stupidity. The world looks for results, and God looks at the heart. Only He can see the true motives. Lord in your mercy, make me a fool so I can see things from your perspective!

I think it's so easy to be critical. I know I often am for one reason or another: feeding my self worth (using my own twisted ways to find value) instead of receiving Christ's worth mainly, but He is so faithful to gently remind me that HE alone sees the heart. I definitely don't have that power...ha, there is only ONE God...

I was at a worship service tonight and the world would probably rate it "fair" or "so-so" because the guy with the guitar messed up a decent amoutn. I even said myself that 'he got carried away" (God I confess this to you) but God does not see it that way! It's so frustrating to us b/c we have been molded too long to the world who is always looking for perfection, but I sensed the Lord saying "I know this man's heart" which He does (1 samuel 16:7) and boy this guy was worshipping with all he had for sure. A humble heart should lead me more than a perfect performance. And a humble worshipper who chooses to do so in Spirit and in Truth is precious in the sight of God: precious as gold, that is! The analyzing critical spirit is most likely not done in Christ. There is one who has said that this is 'leadership" and I concur to a degree. But if it is to the point that we are missing HIM, then possibly we've missed the point.

See, God calls this "success" if this guy is yielded to Him and trusting Him to live his Life through his being. THAT is God's economy. Christ has already paid the price for the unbelief of the one who acts in His own strength while leading worship or preaching a sermon. If it was the perfect performance but of a man trusting in self God says 'failure' and that performance will burn up and the foolish worlds says "great! what beautiful sound" Boy can we be foolish and miss the heart of it all... If God wanted it to look fantastic He would let it be so. Is He not an all-powerful God? Does he not rule the world as we know it? I believe he DOES. In light of eternity and knowing Him, what is more important? The outside appearance or the heart? I pray i will not take this question lightly as Paul asks: (yes I'm repeating for emphasis)

16Do you not discern and understand that you [the whole church at Corinth] are God's temple (His sanctuary), and that God's Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, [a]collectively as a church and also individually]?

And it's only by His GRACE that I get to be a part of something so much bigger than me: of Christ's life, living in and through me. True life is yielding to Him as His spirit works through your "temple" as you surrender your ideas and motives to His. Totally. 100%.

Thank you Lord that if you wanted to move mountains, you would. And thank you for not moving them that we may choose to trust you more and you in your grace cause us to have to trust in that which we cannot see, finding a deeper trust and dependence than ever before. Thank you for all you do to sanctify us and ultimately to be intimate with us. All things are from you, and I want to receive them as such. Thank You Father.

thought for the day:
from Problems, God's Presense, and Prayer by Michael Wells:

It talks about how problems are God's tools to bring us to intimacy with himself:"God has a funnel, in a manner of speaking, that allows Him to take you (a very small creature) out of the masses of humanity and place you exactly where He wants you. If you could examine it, you would find that God's funnel is made up of various problems: contrary people, events,circumstances, vexing church situations, financial pressures, failures,thoughts, dysfunctional marriages, poor health, and trying family situations to name a few. All these problems are calculated to pressure you , the believer, farther and farther into the narrow way that leads to the very presence of God,where problems will no longer be a concern, but prayer, joy, and praise will be the course of the day."

Wow! He allows these things to come ultimately so that He will be ourexistence and reality. It's not about fixing problems but running to and resting in HIM! In light of this, can't you see how HE is responsible for molding and shaping us? We just have to say yes. Things are gonna happen either way- so we can either let them do what they were intended to do or ignore it and focus on our problems instead of Him. We can either fight the funnel or give up and surrender to it, knowing He is sovereign and totally loving.

"Accepting with joy and thankfulness where we are today as coming from the hand of a loving God, who knows exactly what we need, allows us to find peace."Praise Jesus! I pray we can all walk in the truth and we have the person ofpeace LIVING in and through us as we abide in the Spirit by faith in Him and not ourselves. He is our peace! He IS peace.

We think life is so complicated, but I think it's only because we are deceived. We weren't designed to focus on circumstances or other humans. We were made to be in relationship with a perfect Father, totally dependent on His resources and not our own. Usually the turmoil we experience is merely a loss of focus. The turmoil is a symptom of believing the lie that "I can be my own God" so we stop. Then we tune in to the gentle whisper. He says "Come, return to me, I love you, I want you, I desire you" and we respond: " I need you! I am helpless, You are faithful! I receive what you have because I know you are in control, and I am not. YOU are all I need" and then He gives us just what we need, proving the searching and misfocus never works, but He alone is sufficient.

He is steadfast, never changing. It's so simple. It never ceases to amaze me how I have to be reminded often but every homecoming is the same: Like the prodigal I return, humbled at my own mistakes and misconceptions and He kindly runs to me overjoyed to see me again! I merely had to just face Him and he RUNS! What a wonderful father. He knew I would be back I think.

Why do we focus so much on worldly things? They are temporary! The Spiritual is eternal- that's where our inheritance is! It's available today and too good to be true... "If it's too good to be true, it just might be the GOSPEL!"

How am i sooo lucky to have met Him?
Who am I to know the King of Kings?
What was He thinking when He united my spirit with His for eternity?
It's a beautiful mystery.

Brennan Manning says it so clearly: (from The Rabbi's Heartbeat)

"To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart
and feel liked and accepted...not having to hide anymore and distract myself
with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation...staying in the
present moment and not escaping into the past or projecting into the future,
alert and attentive to the now...feeling relaxed and not nervous or jittery...no
need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself...Unselfconscious, a
new way of being with myself, a new way of being in the world...calm, unafraid,
no anxiety about what's going to happen next...loved and valued...just being
together as an end in itself.

Father God, thank you for calling to me when I am hiding from You and
everyone else, including myself Thank you that when I was matted and muddy
with sin You loved me and looked for me to return home. Thank you for
giving me a safe place within the unconditional love of Christ. Amen"

I cant wait to read this book... this man has an incredible grasp on the heart of Jesus and know Him! Don't you see there's more than just knowing about him? He wants us to know Him and his LOVE for us... for you and me in own own unique way we like to be loved. He is able to do that if we'll only receive it to ourselves... Jesus is incredible.

Just when I think it's a plain old day, the Holy Spirit reminds me HE is here. I am in the presense of the living God. I hear Him in the gentle whisper and He stirs my soul. He makes the slow day and majestic one. He is faithful to show His infinite beauty and power which makes me feel significant and beatiful all the same because of this big God who is 'mindful' of me! I have truly enjoyed knowing Him here inside me and in this present moment. O the brink of a new life, new surroundings, new people, new job... on the brink of major feelings of unknowing and unsure-ness (i know these are not words but they fit for now-) in fact, we can never know what's around the corner, but I really have no clue, so I start this new chapter with a heart that's in need of Him as EVERYTHING else is changing- some that I thought would be one way are another- all the more evidence that things are in His hands and His ways and not mine. I am so glad to be in His presense today, full of a deep seated joy when the surface and circumstances try to convince me I am scared and hurt and losing all, the Spirit reminds me of my inheritance: power, victory, pleasure, joy and all I need for life and godliness. I don't need the other things but I sure do need Him. Only Him. And His inifinite value makes me fall and worship. What else can I do- without Him I am dead, with Him i am fully ALIVE! Oh, he is so worth pursuing. Quiet your heart and your day, deep in your soul, and hear Him speak to your spirit: " I love you, I make you whole and complete, I am passionate for you and especially YOU"

so it's a couple of days until i shed my fort mill, sc address. and i will have to shed my auburn address as well since my bank and credit card folks think i still live in sweet sweet sterling. those were the days. it's amazing how time flies and how the 'next step' comes regardless of if we are ready or not. yet here i am... packing up and heading out to embark... i think life is always embarking actually. it's a journey and you can never possibly know exactly where you're going. only God knows and everything could change in an instant. but you know what doesn't change? your position in Christ. That will always be the same. You will be resting in Christ at the right hand of the Father. It's true and it's now. That's why we can endure the journey and walk the path that we can hardly see but a couple feet in front of us. I might have said this before, but I still get such a picture of how God leads us through a lyric from Sarah Kelley's "faithful Father" where she says "i feel the heat of your lamp on my feet, guiding my way. why do i worry why do i worry about tomorrow, when you hold the future in your hands"
Psalm 43:3-5 is a prayer of mine (the implications are many):
Send out your light and your truth let them lead me;(Jesus IS the light and truth and he is already in us. When He brings light in our lives he exposed the darkness. and TRUTH sets you FREE! How else will we be free to live and be lead by Christ's life if we don't know the truth of who he is and who we are)
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! (Yes! Praise Jesus - He is the ONE who leads us to the inner courts- he has torn the curtain to bring us into the Holy of Holies any time we want- anytime- we can focus in on our Spirit in Union with His in the core of our being- wow. we ARE the temple of God)
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy,(amen, this is the only place to receive and find joy: in your Union with Him)
and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul (Remember, your soul includes your mind will and emotions but you no longer live out of your own thoughts but they are TRANSFORMED by the live Spirit inside of you- Live out of your spirit and "rain on" those feelings!),
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation (WHOLENESS)
and my God.(He is only yours! Claim Him as Your God- your great need-meeter!)

Praise Jesus for Life that exists in Him. He loves you and me more than we'll ever ever know. Believe it and receive it moment my moment and your life will be transformed.

Psalm 8
1 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! 2 Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4 What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? (Other versions say care for..., I have heard it meant 'in an intimate way' in greek) 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7 All sheep and oxen— Even the beasts of the field, 8 The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas. 9 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth! (picture from somewhere on the blue ridge parkway)

Let us not forsake what creation does: It leaves us in awe of God's greatness, His power, His creativity (we see that in creation and the different people we know!) But what about the heart issues? The unseen? Well looking at creation and then seeing that he made us for the heart issues: He made us to receive the side of Him that is not so much tangible but yet so very REAL. His grace expressed to us in Love. Truly - how can God who made (formed and fashioned by His own will) the universe relate intimately with us? What is man? Who am I that you would care for or VISIT me?? Who am I that you dwell inside of me (someone that big and powerful finds me significant enough to give Himself for me) and use all that you have made in creation to point to yourself so I can believe that you are God and you delight in me?! You want to know me!? Oh wait, you already to know all about me. You knew it all: That I would doubt, that I would worship idols, that I would fail and you still chose me so you could love me (Eph. 2:4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.), in big and little ways.

I like how You're a God details: thanks for the wildflowers and walking with me on the side of the mountain and making me feel pretty...and calling me beautiful. Thanks Dad. You're all I need.

The Lord has continued to solidify in me what He has been writing on my heart all along. I think a big key is realizing that the Spiritual Me is the real me. I know I am transformed for sure but it's hard to tell of a before and after. Why? Because I have been this person all along... ever since my day of salvation-before the foundations of time I was accepted in the beloved! It's who I am! Regardless of how I feel (which its been amazing to see the emotional healing He's brought me to) the Truth is what God says. When I stand on that and ask Him for His perspective (what do YOU think about this Lord) He tells me and I receive it. Even if it's too good to be true. So the truths of the Spirit are more real than anything here on earth. The things of the Lord are Eternal and we can participate in that now, seeing that we are truly seated at the right hand of the Father (RESTING) in Christ. You may feel like things are chaotic or confusing but then the devil has you: He's eating your lunch (stealing the joy that's yours in Christ) because he's got you wrapped up in the world and worldly things. God wants to give us HIS perspective. He wants us totally dependent on Him because HE made us for that! That's HIS design! Our purpose is to know Him intimately and how great is that when He does it (as always) by GIVING. Our job is only to RECEIVE, even if it's too good to be true we get to receive from an overflow of unconditional, no-matter-what-you-did/didn't-do LOVE!
amen and amen

<-- even this girl know's she's accepted in the beloved, buck teeth and everything, and secure and worth everything to Father. God love 'er...