We think life is so complicated, but I think it's only because we are deceived. We weren't designed to focus on circumstances or other humans. We were made to be in relationship with a perfect Father, totally dependent on His resources and not our own. Usually the turmoil we experience is merely a loss of focus. The turmoil is a symptom of believing the lie that "I can be my own God" so we stop. Then we tune in to the gentle whisper. He says "Come, return to me, I love you, I want you, I desire you" and we respond: " I need you! I am helpless, You are faithful! I receive what you have because I know you are in control, and I am not. YOU are all I need" and then He gives us just what we need, proving the searching and misfocus never works, but He alone is sufficient.

He is steadfast, never changing. It's so simple. It never ceases to amaze me how I have to be reminded often but every homecoming is the same: Like the prodigal I return, humbled at my own mistakes and misconceptions and He kindly runs to me overjoyed to see me again! I merely had to just face Him and he RUNS! What a wonderful father. He knew I would be back I think.

Why do we focus so much on worldly things? They are temporary! The Spiritual is eternal- that's where our inheritance is! It's available today and too good to be true... "If it's too good to be true, it just might be the GOSPEL!"

How am i sooo lucky to have met Him?
Who am I to know the King of Kings?
What was He thinking when He united my spirit with His for eternity?
It's a beautiful mystery.

Brennan Manning says it so clearly: (from The Rabbi's Heartbeat)

"To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart
and feel liked and accepted...not having to hide anymore and distract myself
with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation...staying in the
present moment and not escaping into the past or projecting into the future,
alert and attentive to the now...feeling relaxed and not nervous or jittery...no
need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself...Unselfconscious, a
new way of being with myself, a new way of being in the world...calm, unafraid,
no anxiety about what's going to happen next...loved and valued...just being
together as an end in itself.

Father God, thank you for calling to me when I am hiding from You and
everyone else, including myself Thank you that when I was matted and muddy
with sin You loved me and looked for me to return home. Thank you for
giving me a safe place within the unconditional love of Christ. Amen"

I cant wait to read this book... this man has an incredible grasp on the heart of Jesus and know Him! Don't you see there's more than just knowing about him? He wants us to know Him and his LOVE for us... for you and me in own own unique way we like to be loved. He is able to do that if we'll only receive it to ourselves... Jesus is incredible.

Just when I think it's a plain old day, the Holy Spirit reminds me HE is here. I am in the presense of the living God. I hear Him in the gentle whisper and He stirs my soul. He makes the slow day and majestic one. He is faithful to show His infinite beauty and power which makes me feel significant and beatiful all the same because of this big God who is 'mindful' of me! I have truly enjoyed knowing Him here inside me and in this present moment. O the brink of a new life, new surroundings, new people, new job... on the brink of major feelings of unknowing and unsure-ness (i know these are not words but they fit for now-) in fact, we can never know what's around the corner, but I really have no clue, so I start this new chapter with a heart that's in need of Him as EVERYTHING else is changing- some that I thought would be one way are another- all the more evidence that things are in His hands and His ways and not mine. I am so glad to be in His presense today, full of a deep seated joy when the surface and circumstances try to convince me I am scared and hurt and losing all, the Spirit reminds me of my inheritance: power, victory, pleasure, joy and all I need for life and godliness. I don't need the other things but I sure do need Him. Only Him. And His inifinite value makes me fall and worship. What else can I do- without Him I am dead, with Him i am fully ALIVE! Oh, he is so worth pursuing. Quiet your heart and your day, deep in your soul, and hear Him speak to your spirit: " I love you, I make you whole and complete, I am passionate for you and especially YOU"

so it's a couple of days until i shed my fort mill, sc address. and i will have to shed my auburn address as well since my bank and credit card folks think i still live in sweet sweet sterling. those were the days. it's amazing how time flies and how the 'next step' comes regardless of if we are ready or not. yet here i am... packing up and heading out to embark... i think life is always embarking actually. it's a journey and you can never possibly know exactly where you're going. only God knows and everything could change in an instant. but you know what doesn't change? your position in Christ. That will always be the same. You will be resting in Christ at the right hand of the Father. It's true and it's now. That's why we can endure the journey and walk the path that we can hardly see but a couple feet in front of us. I might have said this before, but I still get such a picture of how God leads us through a lyric from Sarah Kelley's "faithful Father" where she says "i feel the heat of your lamp on my feet, guiding my way. why do i worry why do i worry about tomorrow, when you hold the future in your hands"
Psalm 43:3-5 is a prayer of mine (the implications are many):
Send out your light and your truth let them lead me;(Jesus IS the light and truth and he is already in us. When He brings light in our lives he exposed the darkness. and TRUTH sets you FREE! How else will we be free to live and be lead by Christ's life if we don't know the truth of who he is and who we are)
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! (Yes! Praise Jesus - He is the ONE who leads us to the inner courts- he has torn the curtain to bring us into the Holy of Holies any time we want- anytime- we can focus in on our Spirit in Union with His in the core of our being- wow. we ARE the temple of God)
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy,(amen, this is the only place to receive and find joy: in your Union with Him)
and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul (Remember, your soul includes your mind will and emotions but you no longer live out of your own thoughts but they are TRANSFORMED by the live Spirit inside of you- Live out of your spirit and "rain on" those feelings!),
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation (WHOLENESS)
and my God.(He is only yours! Claim Him as Your God- your great need-meeter!)

Praise Jesus for Life that exists in Him. He loves you and me more than we'll ever ever know. Believe it and receive it moment my moment and your life will be transformed.

Psalm 8
1 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! 2 Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4 What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? (Other versions say care for..., I have heard it meant 'in an intimate way' in greek) 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7 All sheep and oxen— Even the beasts of the field, 8 The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas. 9 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth! (picture from somewhere on the blue ridge parkway)

Let us not forsake what creation does: It leaves us in awe of God's greatness, His power, His creativity (we see that in creation and the different people we know!) But what about the heart issues? The unseen? Well looking at creation and then seeing that he made us for the heart issues: He made us to receive the side of Him that is not so much tangible but yet so very REAL. His grace expressed to us in Love. Truly - how can God who made (formed and fashioned by His own will) the universe relate intimately with us? What is man? Who am I that you would care for or VISIT me?? Who am I that you dwell inside of me (someone that big and powerful finds me significant enough to give Himself for me) and use all that you have made in creation to point to yourself so I can believe that you are God and you delight in me?! You want to know me!? Oh wait, you already to know all about me. You knew it all: That I would doubt, that I would worship idols, that I would fail and you still chose me so you could love me (Eph. 2:4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.), in big and little ways.

I like how You're a God details: thanks for the wildflowers and walking with me on the side of the mountain and making me feel pretty...and calling me beautiful. Thanks Dad. You're all I need.

The Lord has continued to solidify in me what He has been writing on my heart all along. I think a big key is realizing that the Spiritual Me is the real me. I know I am transformed for sure but it's hard to tell of a before and after. Why? Because I have been this person all along... ever since my day of salvation-before the foundations of time I was accepted in the beloved! It's who I am! Regardless of how I feel (which its been amazing to see the emotional healing He's brought me to) the Truth is what God says. When I stand on that and ask Him for His perspective (what do YOU think about this Lord) He tells me and I receive it. Even if it's too good to be true. So the truths of the Spirit are more real than anything here on earth. The things of the Lord are Eternal and we can participate in that now, seeing that we are truly seated at the right hand of the Father (RESTING) in Christ. You may feel like things are chaotic or confusing but then the devil has you: He's eating your lunch (stealing the joy that's yours in Christ) because he's got you wrapped up in the world and worldly things. God wants to give us HIS perspective. He wants us totally dependent on Him because HE made us for that! That's HIS design! Our purpose is to know Him intimately and how great is that when He does it (as always) by GIVING. Our job is only to RECEIVE, even if it's too good to be true we get to receive from an overflow of unconditional, no-matter-what-you-did/didn't-do LOVE!
amen and amen

<-- even this girl know's she's accepted in the beloved, buck teeth and everything, and secure and worth everything to Father. God love 'er...

Are you living out of your IDENTITY in Christ or on your old thought patterns?
Wanna know how to transform your mind? Put on Christ! He has given you a new heart (Ez. 36:26) that's alive to God. You are no longer a slave to sin. You are a slave to RIGHTEOUSNESS: that's your nature... your identity.

Jack Taylor said something to the effect of this: being weak in your mind makes the truths of your identity precious. Oh wow, how the Lord has made this truth to me! The more I surrender what I think about things and ask the Lord to reveal the reality of the gospel... well, HE does it! The truth of who I am in Christ sets me free. One thing that gets me a lot is a judgemental mindframe, but the more I recognize that I am totally accepted in Christ the more I no longer have to think of ways to form my own sense of worth...ultimately by belittling others! YUCK! He has given me total worth and acceptance and I know longer have to live out of my mind. I live out of my Spirit... my identity... and then my mind is transformed by that. Then, when a judgemental thought comes "I am so much more intimate with God than she is" I can take it captive: because the word says that we are not to judge and that we are ALL accepted not by what we do... and God sees the heart (I know I cannot) and ultimately because I am a child of God, and a righteous one at that. So since a righteous person does not think like that, then who's thought was that? Not mine! I refuse to take that as my own and reject this lie; Knowing that "she" is loved and accepted without condition. Knowing that none of us can get any closer or intimate with God that we already are, that thought is a lie, and I refuse to puff my own opinion up of myself (thinking i'm 'better than') to feel good. That's a cheap quick fix. Father offers wholeness and love regardless of my understanding of it or not! Praise God- I am not a judgemental person but a loving person in Christ.

So how am I livin? Well, we are similar to a temple on the old testament days. Looking from the outside you can see the walls (like our physical body: plain to the eye) and the outer courts- what makes up our body or our "members" then comes the Holy Place (this is like our soul: our mind will and emotions and what we operated out of before Christ gave us His life. This part is being progressively renewed to truth and changed/sanctified) and the innermost part is the Holy of Holies, separated by a curtain or veil where the Lord resides (this is like our Spirit- where we receive our identity at salvation).

The problem is when we were born our spirit was dead to God- we had no other option but to live out of the soul (out of the strength of our minds and how we perceived the world from day one- as twisted as that view may be). We use logic and our own will to make life work.

Once we become saved our spirit is reborn (we are a new creation) and we now have Christ as our source. We no longer have to figure out life on our own! He is all sufficient! The sad thing is we had become so comfortable living in and out of our mind we don't realize the freedom that's behind that curtain. Christ, the High priest, actually came to tear that curtain and invite us to intimacy/union/oneness with Him. But our free will (he's not gonna force us to love him or seek him) may continue to live/find life out of the mind. Thank goodness he is faithful to break us, to bring us to dependence on Him where we see that the mind is not sufficient but he is all sufficient. (Some it may take longer than others, sadly b/c some of us are really good at using our own thinking.)

Good news: He has torn down the barrier by totally paying the price for our sin (no debts owed by you or me) and giving us His life (residing in our spirit: our own Holy of Holies) and renewing our mind to the truth of our identity. THEN our mind is transformed and we live life out of the Spirit... the truths of our identity penetrate our thinking and we can surrender to HIM, knowing that just when I can't figure it out on my own, He is enough and He gives me His perspective--His godly wisdom, and Christ is my ultimate focus. He has given me all I need in Him. My TRUE identity. My TRUE nature.

Progressively, my thinking becomes more in line with His, more often my feelings line of with the truth and I stand changed: More like Christ, in whom Father finds great delight- living in His rest and peace and enjoying eternity today. What a gift the gospel is! Who else but God could give a heart message that changes you daily, frees you daily, and ultimately LOVES you daily and meeds every need in Christ Jesus?!!

It never ceases to amaze me how central the gospel truly is. I have said it many times before and I will continue to say that Jesus is the answer to everything. Want wisdom (which I believe is not a matter of 'what' but of 'who') ? Ask God- He will give you His perspective. It's amazing how free you can become if you will just tap into Christ in you (yep, you have the mind of Christ). He have EVERYTHING you need for life and godliness.
For life? Really?
Yep- Again, the gospel applies to ev-er-y-thing.
Relationship problems?
Take it to the gospel. It is so freeing to myself and those I come in contact with when I see them as God sees them... and when I see myself and God sees me: unconditionally accepted, not defined by my behavior in the flesh but in my new identity in Christ. Example: So if this person is treating me in an unloving way or I don't feel their love I take it to God...

"God how do you see this person?"
"Well Katie, I see him as loving because in Christ he IS loving. That's how I see him: for who he is. I accept him as my beloved child and nothing he can do can change that. I know his heart and I have not made you where you can see his heart, that's my job. Leave his behavior up to me and love him. Accept him. I have paid the price for all that he has done against you on the cross, therefore the behavior is irrelevant to complete and total acceptance. Love him like I have loved you, forgive him and accept him just as I have done for you."

If I follow Father's advice I am freed up in many ways:
I don't have to control this person or make them love me. I free them up to love me out of their fullness in Christ since I do not put standards or law on them by judging them (judging them in my heart or outwardly to their face is the same thing). I have a relationship where I am free to be myself because I am not worried about being rejected myself because I know who I am: Accepted and totally loved and in the beloved. I don't need this persons love although it is icing on the cake: It can be an affirmation and intensification of what I already know and have actually received from Christ alone but it can never replace it. Christ alone is enough.

True acceptance is from Christ: NOT Christ + others or Christ + acceptance of myself +others
it's HIM. And as He reveals this more and more to me, the more my freedom increases because regardless of what happens or what my circumstances my indicate (rejection, failure, etc) I stand accepted totally by a Holy Father who loves me with a depth that no man can touch. THAT is enough.

I am officially a Registered Nurse. Dad read me the letter congratulating my passing the NCLEX exam! Phew! That's one more step to my future, but you know it really doesn't matter the details of my future. I am just so excited about living in Christ... and I have a whole life ahead of me, I can't even imagine what it holds, but I know WHO it will be full of. Oh, there's nothing better than to have that confidence.

I am almost weeping now as I write this because I am a little emotional over watching Anne of Green Gables. What a classic. I loved that movie as a little girl and it's so beautiful - the life Anne lived. She made room to dream, to use her imagination, and followed the advice of Marilla Cuthbert and made 'room for romance' If only the whole world lived as they did long ago- taking time for people, taking time to play more. It's not half or even a quarter as serious as we make it. I am pretty sure God wants us to dance and play.

My mentor was praying over me in session and the Lord gave her a vision of me as a sheep (in my mind, one who has a high degree of 'no clue') and my Shepherd was calmly coming alongside me. Walking with me. And then the vision transformed and His precious girl twirled about. It was almost like I could feel the room spinning as Jesus spun me around. What girl doesn't wanna spin, know she's lovely, and know she's cared for. Oh right now I know and its overwhelming. [more weeping].

It's so true though! Just like Anne we were once orphans, and we all have a Matthew Cuthbert Father figure who falls in love instantly, loves us like crazy and would do anything to honor and bring out the true beauty in us: the string of pearls, the beautiful dresses and fabrics... We become adopted! Part of a family! How valuable is a family when you recognize that you were truly without one before-lost and alone?? Now we're part of something bigger and more beautiful than we had ever hoped or imagined. Another aspect of the Deity that fills us is that Gilbert- oh His gaze is fixed, and his pursuit is intense, and though we reject Him, and we think he can't possibly be as good as he appears, He IS. Oh, beloveds He is. And He loves us deeply and will not stop at anything to rescue us from our own pride- our thinking that being on our own is better. He knows that relationship is better, and He's just waiting for us to make time for romance.

Thank you Jesus for lining up feelings with TRUTH! I am so blessed and honored to be only yours. You are forever faithful! My heart is yours.

The Bible’s purpose is not so much to show you how to live a good life. The Bible’s purpose is to show you how God’s grace breaks into your life against your will and saves you from the sin and brokenness otherwise you would never be able to overcome...religion is ‘if you obey, then you will be accepted’. But the Gospel is, ‘if you are absolutely accepted, and sure you’re accepted, only then will you ever begin to obey'. Those are two utterly different things. Every page of the Bible shows the difference. Dr. Timothy Keller

Let the accuser roar of sins that I have done. I know them all, plus thousands more. Jehovah knoweth none. --unknown hymn

It's amazing what love motivates us to do. I've said it more than once that I hope to continue to fall more in love with the Lord so much so that I am a fool for him. This may sound fanatical to some, but I imagine Jesus sounded like a fanatic when he was saying he is the son of God. That's just kinda how he does things. But I have found the more I come into knowing HIs love, the more fanatical I become! Jesus came to clarify that it's not about works. He wanted us to know that our identity is not found in what we do. The world and religion tries to tell us the opposite... "I am a lawyer" "I'm a nurse" "I'm a student" "I'm a runner" "I play guitar" "I'm a blonde"
Isn't there more to us than that? Aren't human beings infinitely valuable? I believe they are if God allowed His son to die for us while we were DEAD and in Sin (It's like it says in Romans: It's one thing to die for a good man, but another to die for a man who is dead... dead in his sin). Wow. He LOVES us! He considers us of great value. I believe it's our SPIRIT that relates to God. It's what makes us different than every other creature here on earth and the trouble is when we are born our spirit is deformed, dead in sin. The Good News is that Christ came, was born with a Live Spirit, lived a perfect life, and even though he had no debt owed for his sin (yep he did not commit one) He payed the price for all of ours. Why? So we could be with HIM. Sin separates and Jesus' sacrifice unites. He gives us His Holy Spirit, His life (the old has gone and the new has come) when we accept it to be true (remember it's true, therefore I believe it) and acknowledge our spiritual death and rebirth at the cross. We aren't just forgiven, but we are given a new identity. Pure, holy, child of God. There's nothing we can do/not do to change that.

Hear this: Our sin has NOTHING to do with us! Our behavior is not who we are. The more we realize this the more we can accept ourselves and accept others. Who wouldn't want to love a precious child of the King of Kings?! Our behavior is irrelevant in God's economy- in eternity- at the judgement seat of Christ all things not done if faith will burn up like wood hay and stubble (this includes good things we did for our own selfish purposes, out of self strength) and those done in Christ will last. Your behavior is NOT your identity! Remember Jesus calling the pharisees out because they thought they were righteous because of what they did? They were wrong. They missed the point. They missed the love relationship with God.

You see, when I know that my righteousness is totally totally given to me from Christ I can rest, stop trying to earn or fabricate something that I already have and live in relationship. My life may look similar to someone living by the law b/c they are good principles but they will struggle all their lives to live for a God who has impossible expectations and punishes when I mess up or miss the point. Focusing on the law makes you miss relationship and rely on self. When I recognize the depravity of self strength (end of self) I can totally surrender. I am FREE. I am FREE to be ME in the Presense of a loving father God, my companion, my fortress, my deliverer.
So I dont live for a God who has harsh demands- who would want to be intimate with a stone cold person like that? I live for a God who loves me and gave Himself for me. How could I be anything but obedient to Him, I mean, I hardly have to think about it because I know my identity, I know where I stand with Him, I experience His presense and the power in that and I dont have to look for love or significance because I have all I need in Christ Jesus, in His life that He freely gives. Wow. Mind-boggling...

These words were too powerful and profound to keep to myself, but in light of being dependent on Christ for every need and condering ALL things lost for the sake of knowing Him this woman much have had incredible intimacy with her Jesus. She knew him and the fellowship of His sufferings and His resurrection life and more...

We are at Jesus' disposal. If He wants you to be sick in bed, if He wants you to proclaim His Word in the street, that's allright, everything is all right. And this is our strength and this is the joy of the Lord.
Total surrender to God must come in small details just as it comes in big details. It's nothing but that single word, 'Yes, I accept whatever you give and I give whatever you take.' And this is just a simple way for us to be holy.
To be holy doesn't mean to do extraordinary things, to understand big things, but it is a simple acceptance, because I have given myself to God, because I belong to Him--my total surrender. He could put me here, He could put me there, He can use me, He can not use me. It doesn't matter because I belong so totally to Him that He can do just what He wants to do with me.
-Mother Teresa

Now THAT is total surrender that that is what God asks and that is what Christ did at the cross, giving up all his rights to be obedient to death for the joy set before him. And when we surrender our rights we are agreeing that God is ENOUGH to meet our needs and that His plans are best. This place of total surrender is where rest is- what can man do to me when all responsibility is place on God to do what HE wants to do. So freeing, So hard, but so so so important. So necessary to allowing Him to work in you, because that which you are holding so tightly to, claiming to thing you need that thing, if it's not God is only keeping you in bondage.

Christ has an exchange.

Trusting Christ JEsus as my life means that moment by moment I am free to choose to :
give up the right to be accepted by people, I am willing to be/feel rejected therefore trust CHRIST alone as my COMPANION (that is just the word He gave me. He will giveyou just the exchange you need if you ask Him. He's worth it!)

And that is just one of the many examples. I can joyfully release that and know that even if I am rejected my world is not crashed in because that need is totally met in Christ. There are tons of rights I have been giving to Him and there is so much freedom and victory to be had when I release that prideful control. Here's the powerful prayer we pray after the Lord leads people to give up rights:

"I give you permission to do anything You wish to me, with me, in me, or through me (um wow what are the implications of that??!!) which would glorify You.
I claimed these rights at one time to be mine, but now they all belong to YOU and are under Your control. You can do with them and with me anything You please. I know that this does not eliminate my responsibilities nor my obedience to You or Your word. (It only relieves me of my control over specific areas of my life as you continue to transform me and make me more like Christ).

Lord I want you to do whatever with me- whatever it takes to know you as my portion to the deepest part of me. Glorify yourself God! Your ways are so much better.

Psalm 46:4There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.
5God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her right early [at the dawn of the morning].

I wanna look at this through the eyes of the new covenant:

"There is a river (living water of the Holy Spirit) whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles (I am the temple of the Holy Spirit: He has made me holy and He has indwelled me with this river of His spirit) of the Most High. [The Most High God lives in you! That's what happened at salvation, and yes, you have the holy spirit as well. I don't think that the Trinity could be separated and you just received Jesus, right?] God is in the midst of [me!], and [I] shall not be moved (is He not my fortress, my stronghold and am i not rooted and grounded in His love born of His Spirit?) God will help [me] right early at the dawn of the morning. (Yep, He's there when I wake up- My love is there desiring to meet my needs because there is nothing, absolutely not one thing, I can do to meet them on my own. But I have all I need in this Holy Spirit inside of me if I just:
10Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. (even if my world is falling apart, He gives deliverance!)

And I leave you with this:
11The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

If you just so happened to be driving down Regent Park drive tonight and saw a very sweaty girl smiling like a fool in love, you saw a free daughter of the King. Me. I was just so glad that in His presense if the fullness of joy. I am glad that He ran beside me and He ran through me (for some reason I had a lot of energy today... I think it started with the million things that He is doing in my spirit and it just had to get out somehow... I also had a J.C. from Moe's instead of vegetables or peanut butter crackers for dinner) Anyway.

The Lord has been faithful to make the gospel so personal to me (answered prayer number one). I asked Him "what exactly am I free from? Show me not only my flesh but the absolute root of it. " boy was he faithful to reveal that prideful stuff. The world has deceived me but the TRUTH has set me free.

The world tells me I have to earn everything, right down to the needs only God can meet: love, acceptance, worth/significance, security. I have been told all my life that I can meet those needs through spelling love P-r-a-i-s-e, through earning acceptance by doing nice things (but really, how many nice things are enough nice things) through finding significance in the praise of others and security in my own ability to be strong and control (ummm BIG HUGE LIE: I really am NOT in control even if I feel like it) I have bought into the lie that "I can do it" and it had built up as a stronghold in my life. It's like that little lie lives in a fortress, made stronger by my thinking that all things in my life I deserved because of what I did, how well I performed. But anything not done in faith is sin and my righteous "good" acts are like filthy rags.

So what is pride? It's you being your own God, thinking I don't need God. It's you (and definitely me too) thinking I am capable of meeting my God-given needs, which only GOD can meet, MY way! Who am I to think I can do His job?

And isn't that the original lie? In the garden, Satan told them that they would have knowledge of Good and Evil and they would be AS GOD. Their own God. What a crock that turned out to be!!!! Adam and Eve bought into a lie and were deceived, but all along God had a plan.

And God has a plan for all of us! The Lord has faithfully brought me to a point and I could fill up 100 virtual pages of the details of how he has revealed how so often I try to find life elsewhere. But guess what- there's no life there! And I am humbled.

There is LIFE in the PRESENSE of the LIVING GOD and nowhere else. Being in this bubble for 6 weeks has helped me see that and I can only sit and wait to receive more revelation from Father in His timing because I know His presense is a powerful thing. How refreshing to be still and know that He is God. I really dont think it's a bad thing sometimes (mmm maybe even most of the time) to shut up and stop telling Him who he is (since He already knows that) and just BE. Just acknowledge that He is God. He is Here. Especially those moments of conviction or confusion or worry. One version of Psalm 46 says
10 Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

recognize? understand? Lord please dont let me miss you in the moment! I want more than to acknowledge you: I wanna understand. You are so faithful to lift me from circumstances to see things from your perspective. Thank you that there is no better place than with you, even in the midst of a busy room you are so real. Reveal more God! I trust that you are real and you are living in me so bring revelation knowledge of YOU, the person who loved me and gave himself to pay a great price even while I was still dead in sin, you made me alive in Christ so that you could be with me. That truth is so hard to grasp but I believe it.

I renounce the lie and anything is better than You and joyfully accept the truth that you are the only one who can meet my needs.
I renounce the lie that my worth comes from any source than you because that is idolatry and joyfully joyfully accept the truth that you are eternal, this world and things in it will perish, and I am a partaker of eternal life: Christ's life, and my worth is fully in Him and because you lovingly created me in your very image. I am yours...precious and beloved. Make that a reality to me.

He still speaks!!! The Holy Spirit is our connection- that is one way how God is everywhere- and we communicate spirit to spirit with Him... if you sense a truth in your time of being still and knowing He's God (He's love, He's sovereign, He's true and real) take it on faith that it's him. He has much to say to love on you and to guide you into all truth. That's the Holy spirit's job, not yours! But even if He is silent, His presense is enough. Isn't it good when you are close to someone, when you care about them deeply that silence is ok, in fact even pleasurable and pleasant. Just BEING with that person is enough when you don't have to SAY anything. Sometimes words fall short. Language is so limited but spirit talk- just that heart understanding that is from Father is, well, indescribable. I don't want to miss out. (cool article: http://www.walk-this-way.com/4_keys_virkler.htm one guy's experience)

I am tired of lesser lovers. I am tired of being deceived. Thank you for the full and complete life you offer. Thank you for transforming me. OH I am such a work in progress but I cling to you because knowing you is enough. YOU are enough. You are real. Not a man who walked around 2000 years ago doing cool stuff, but the Jesus who rose to new life and is living today at the right hand of Father and IN Me!!
My mind cant conceive it God but you know I want you! Help me to
recognize
understand

be still.... and KNOW
YOU
are God.

He's breaking me, he's taking out my prideful rebellious side that wants to control.
I find joy in releasing the reigns to my God who is able to do 'immeasurably more than I could ever hope or imagine' HE is better! His ideas are better, His plans are better than any I could imagine on my own. He is my source for life and godliness and my only hope for security and acceptance.

He's been showing me who He is as a Father and Protector. I found myself praising Him for a difficult circumstance in my life, offering it up to Him as it is totally baffling to me of how to handle it. He quickly responded to my heart:

Don't worry about this my precious daughter. You are more valuable to me than you know. I will take care of your situation and you can just rest. Just rest and know that I love you and care deeply for you. You don't have to have all the answers, the why's, the how's because I have them in my hands. I see the big picture. Just trust me.

I was so humbled in that moment. How long have I been trying to control, looking for ways to fix, to make others happy when Father just wanted me to yield to Him?! It's so simple yet he allows circumstances to break us and to show us our deficiency in the midst of His sufficiency. Father is soo trustworthy and in that moment it was like my perspective totally changes, my mood changes, my emotions line up with the truth (even though I still felt a little hurt HE was faithful to lift me out of despair) and I was able to know that i know that i know that He spoke this to me. That's all I need.

As usual, a song came on the i-pod that rang to true by switchfoot:
And I lay my head back down
And I close my eyes and pray
To be only Yours
I pray
To be only Yours
I know that You're my ONLY Hope...

Only His... how incredible is that?! How PERSONAL is that?! It has been amazing to be here in Charlotte and not really have anyone to talk to so that He could bring me to know HIM. Intimately. Our relationship is so personal and I feel like the only girl in the universe that He's crazy about! Nothing shall separate me from His love. NOTHING shall separate me from Him. And I sensed that I am His one and only and we are in this adventure of life together. Whatever goes on around us only brings us closer together. We are inseperable. We are ONE! And He is so worthy of my trust: my only hope. One thing will never change and that is Him.

Thank you Lord that you are the consistent companion of my life. I am so honored to be only Yours- body soul and spirit and deep in my heart of hearts.
Love, Your precious Daughter

I heard this song at church last Sunday after a message on "peace in the midst of Chaos" I really love the words and how clear it paints a relationship with God that he offers all the time, no matter what the circumstance looks like. Gosh this makes me love God so much more. He has invited me to join in the rest that he himself is: Father Son and Holy Spirit- I am part of this perfect relationship... Actively participating from a position of REST- at the right hand of the Father in Christ because of the FINISHED work of the cross. Wow, is He after me or what?!

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistently calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

Chorus: And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine <-- wow, that's the only way to do it! Give up my rights in order for
Him to work!
I reach for You

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through
Hallelujah
- skillet "Rest"

REST is the word God spoke to me today as my mentor and I were meeting Him in prayer. I was pretty frustrated because 1) I want to understand everything about everything and I cant and 2)I so often fear that I will be in the way of what He wants to do or is doing, and sometimes I am just because I am missing Him in the moment... The main way I do that is overanalyze and try to jump ahead to figure everything out.

Thank You Lord that I can't figure it all out- THANK YOU Lord that You are God and I am not!! Thank You Lord for bringing me to the end of myself and leaving me there so I can simply trust you! Thank You Lord that I can't and you can. I have no strength in and of myself. I am weak and I echo the words of Paul:
2 Cor. 5:5Of this same [man's experiences] I will boast, but of myself (personally) I will not boast, except as regards my infirmities (my weaknesses).

Paul even had special revelation from God which he talks about in previous verses, yet God allowed him to remain humble:
7And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn ([a]a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted.

And I know I don't even come close to what Paul understood about the Lord but just when I think I do know something the Lord reminds me that any wisdom I have is His... Any understanding is from HIM, and I am surrendered once again so that I know my life is totally from Him...

8Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and [b]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [c]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

I know without a doubt that I can do nothing apart from Him and anything of power or worth is from Him alone. So often we are told to "BE STRONG, HANG IN THERE" blah, blah, blah. That's junk. How about be weak!? How about boasting in weakness so that "the strength and power of Christ may REST upon me!" Wow. Especially when circumstances are showing how out of control I am (as in I cannot control what happens to me or around me) What a shelter in the midst of confusion or stress or whatever your "chaos" may feel like! There is rest!

THEN the truth of our identity become precious when we are in this place of brokenness (end of self- so much so that we have to allow Christ to reign) It is such a gift that even in this place, at ground zero, we are given righteousness, sainthood, love, adoption as sons and daughters to never be forsaken, freedom to be ourselves, freedom to love with the infinite love of father instead of our own strength... Knowing that NONE of that is our own, but totally from Him- That's what makes it so precious! THAT is the identity truth we can LIVE out of! And guess what? Father is committed to our yielding to him from a place of brokenness... Think about a horse who gets broken so that it will yield to it's rider. . . Same with us. Who doesn't want to yield control to the Father who knows us best, and knows WHAT's best? That's why Paul can be glad in all circumstances, and I can too:

2 Cor 5:10-So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [[d]in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful [e]in divine strength).

Phil. 4:11-Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be (R)content in whatever circumstances I am. 12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going (S)hungry, both of having abundance and (T)suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who (U)strengthens me.

Don't fight the circumstances... Let the Lord embrace you in the midst of them and speak to your heart where he wants you to give Him control... where he wants you to admit your weakness so HE can show you clearly where He can be strong. He will give is ABOUNDING grace in the place of your weakness. His grace to rest when you wanna work it out yourself, His grace to turn from temptation if you will just ask Him, His grace to have joy instead of mourning, His grace to just BE instead of DO. Yep- thanks for reminding me of my weaknesses apart from you Lord so that you remind me of how you exchanged them all for YOU at the cross. Thank you for your strong, grace-filled, peaceful life that's living through me!

"The strength of weakness always consummates in victory through abounding grace and strength." -Jack Taylor You say there's no change in the circumstances? Well, it doesn't take a change in circumstance to bring victory. HE is victory and HE is in me! Therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, like Paul did and like Jesus did, living on the earth in human form, totally dependent on His Father.

1 Corinthians 2
1When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a] 2For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the spirits power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

So once again God delivered me from being in control- HE is in control and He will do what He wants. My job is just to trust Him, yield to Him, and acknowledge that I can do nothing apart from Him (John 15). What a great place to be! Totally desperate!

When God reveals truth, it makes no difference unless we respond. If there's a lie we know we have been living out of we have a choice: we must set our minds on the truth. Today we called it "REDECIDING":
1. Own responsibility (don't blame or make excuses) for feelings and behavior
2. Ask God to reveal the real issues. Why? To deal with the root of the problem.
3. REJECT that lie!
4. Believe the truth and RECEIVE it for yourself (why is this good news for you!? How does it affect your belief system?)
5. Yield (say Yes to Him and no to your self strength)to Christ in order to depend on Christ alone.
6. RISK NEW BEHAVIOR(act like who you are: Complete and righteous in Christ) ! Yep, try it out. Give that truth a chance by actually living and acting like it's true. You will be suprised how quickly it may become a reality. Don't let Satan convince you otherwise.

Other ways to freedom include
-forgiveness (yep, you no longer have to devote energy planning the demise of someone else... that 's GOD's responsibility. Beside, Christ has already payed the debt that you may feel like that person owes you!),
-Identification with Christ in His earthly walk (Jesus was in human form, totally depending on His Father... TOTALLY- read it in the word: "i am my father are one"),
-Relinquishment of rights (if i hang on to rights, i am saying that i still have some control(i can be independent of God, I am my own God), and if i still think I have control i am up for a big disappointment... isn't it GOD who is GOD, and I am not?),
-Acceptance of ourselves (right where we are at... not trying to fix ourselves but keeping our focus totally on Him as He forms Christ in us!).

Remember: God uses people and circumstances(two things that we have no control over) to FREE us to enter into WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST! (When we know who we are, we are free to be naked and unashamed; vulnerable and transparent because we are totally accepted in the beloved.)

FAITH is a CHOICE not a FEELING!!!!! Faith is what God asks of us. OUr responsibility is to choose to resist the devil's temptations and lies by taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. We can hand it over to Him and the finished work of the Cross- He has given us authority over this because of His power at work inside of us!

From "How to Walk in the Will of God"
by Malcolm Smith

We are alive NOW, not waiting for that 'great thing' in the future:
"I was in grave danger of missing the wonder of today while I waited for tomorrow. I looked around at my friends. They were restless in their jobs, waiting for the job or vacation that would be the will of God."

What a joy it is to enjoy Him in the moment. It was such a relief this morning to know (not necessarily feel but just know in the depths of me) that as I tried to decide between peanut butter crackers or a chewy bar for breakfast that He was with me and was a companion in deciding.

"God in us is willing His will. His desired are expressed in us and He puts His mind in our so that we can say that we have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:18). There are no secondary roads or permissive wills- Christ is the will of God. We are no longer obsessed with a place, but with Christ who is our life, the "yes" of God's will within us. ... THe wisdom of God was not an inevitable plan - it was a person living in me wherever I happened to find myself. It was no longer a matter of what i was doing, but Who I was expressing in what I was doing"

"The focus of God's wisdom is not a cold blueprint, but the person of the Lord Jesus Christ...God does not give us a list of rules or directions, but gives us Himself in the person of Jesus, and that Jesus in us by the Holy Spirit...God's perfect method for achieving His perfect plan is to put His will within us. It is not an elusive blueprint outside of us, but His Son within to be realized."

"He is not bound by one road to achieve His purpose"

"[the will of God] was not something outside of him to be discovered, but a "yes" to be found within his own desires...The Acts show us men who are in a vital unity with the Spirit, makinmg free decisions. In tha tunity the Spirit does not give us continual green lights, only red ones."

****"We miss the wonder of the moment by always looking ahead to the unusual and extraordinary 'will of God.' THe magnificent will fo God is to be found within every ordinary moment. THere is no such thing as the mundane or secular. when we were born again we entered the religious life, and wherever we might find ourselves, Christ is our life."

"WALK OUT NOW INTO LIFE AND LET CHRIST BE YOUR LIFE. HE IN YOU IS THE WILL OF GOD; AND YOU LIVING OUT OF HIM IS THE JOY OF THE LORD."

I pray that this frees you up to enjoy life in Christ!!

Truth is good stuff but it can't do it's job if we don't respond to it... if we dont walk in it... if we acknowledge it with our lips but deny it with our hearts. It's one thing to understand/see the light but another to step out in faith, in an act of our will because God is not gonna override our will. He is patient and kind, not overbearing or controlling! He NEVER acts out of character. (Neil Anderson) Our responsibility is to respond...and when we yield our will to Him that we WANT Him to do his thing, HE is the POWER behind it! (That's what willpower is: My will, HIS power! -Juan-carlos Ortiz) He's not going to make us choose or beg us to do so!

Believe it or not you are only as miserable as you allow yourself to be. He offers the grace and peace to lift you out of that situation (Psalm 40) Read any of the psalms and you will see the author shout out to God how he feels, but he is probably just making those feelings known out loud to the Lord, not stuffing them down, so that the author can vent them and can be brutally honest with his Father. The Lord sees our hearts and we just confess in agreement with what we know he sees- We have nothing to hide!! And He still loves us just the SAME! Once we do release all this which is inside though, it leaves so much room for him to come and fill us with Himself. Once again we see how only Christ can complete us. He truly is the answer to EVERYTHING.

satan's definition of a hypocrite:
acting different than how i FEEL

God's definition of a hypocrite:
acting different than who I AM.


How often do i justify totally acting out of my feelings, which are often in line with lies I believe instead of the truth about me (righteous, Holy, at peace).
Hmm...

I am currently going though a little something...causing some mental turmoil... so... one thing i do know is that i am in a fog but praise the lord for it. i don't just need Him every hour- i am so desperate that i need him every SECOND! My head is in such turmoil that i can't even think outside of the moment.. i can't even live in the moment- that is too long. i need Him every fraction of a second to sustain me. he has really brought me to surrender here and extreme dependence... the scary thing is i think that is how it's meant to be. total dependence, and more often than not it takes suffering, loneliness, trauma, you name it, it takes tough stuff to come to deeper and deeper dependence.(consider His servant Job) i am scared of what may be to come and that he may ask for more dependence but i can rest and know that i only have to take it one second at a time. i can trust him for a second as He guides me into the next. Boy, am I squeezing His hand tight!

PEACE does not lie in my circumstance!! I sometimes find myself trying to be a 'peace-maker' which is a flesh pattern of mine and fix things and make peace happen. what does God say? Well he doesn't promise life will be easy, stress-free, or always happy. He says simple 'be still and Know that I am God" In other words STOP! Stop trying to fix it yourself and make sense of things and know that I am God who provides all peace and sustenance. There is peace and rest in the midst of this. and you will find it no where else.