Can I tell you how much I love Auburn?.... Oh I do. And I hate working in the emergency room here- it's nothing like all you think it would be. Nursing is hard labor- ya'll shold try it. Anyway my thoughts for the past couple of days have centered around this:

I think one of the biggest hindrances to living the christian life is thinking that it's up to us.... that we have the power to glorify God in and of ourselves. I like this song because it puts the power in His hands...

You're the one who chased us
You're the one who started all of this
You're the one who dreams
You're the one who loves

So let us respond

Yours-the voice that calls us
Yours- the hands that hold us
When we have come undone
You're the one who loves

So let us respond

We are free, we are free in you God
(Robbie Seay Band)

A simple definition of grace to me is "GOD does it" and like i said in the posts before we are to simply respond by placing our faith in this great, amazing God. So let us respond- let us respond.
If GOD does it, we respond- how can we not when He reveals himself to us? And on the days when He doesnt seem present we walk in faith, knowing that He is great and choose to believe that truth. (Isn't that our expression of faith- believing what we cannot sense/see/feel?)
Our response? Worship Him, solely for His greatness, and that He has us where he has us for a reason. This keeps Him in his rightful place in our lives: in the center- on the throne.

Today is just a shadow of things to come.

Hebrews 11:1- Faith- I can't see Him but He's REAL. My amount of faith does not determine how big God is.
11:4- Faith is a heart motivation and faith that pleases God is faith in Him- believing HE will do what He says He will do- even when everything around us tells us 'no way'
11:13- Reminds me of the power of faith to control and sustain my life
11:33- Faith has the power to :
subdue kingdoms, administer justice, obtain promised blessings, close the mouth of lions...and more
11:39- And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, 40since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect.

12:1- Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

and verse 2(the one that brought me here in the first place...) looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Yep, it's HIS job- our responsibility is to look to Jesus. Eyes off self. Look to Jesus. the founder(some versions say Author) and perfecter of our faith! It's simple. Ha. Not easy, but simple :) Continue to let HIM transform you because He is more faithful than we can imagine. He wants to make you into the likeness of Jesus, and most of all He wants to enjoy His child. You.

why are you so ashamed? what are you trying to hide? do you think God can't see it? why are you putting those fig leaves (see the story of adam and eve) trying to cover your struggles and imperfections? why? do you think you have to make yourself perfect to be presentable to God before He would rescue you? Do you really think you have the power to perfect yourself anyway? I think Satan has many believers in bondage by causing them to become obsessed with their sin instead of the savior. There are so many defeated believers around who are caught in this lie.

psalm 139.... he even knows our thoughts! He knows all, and He know all about us so much so that He knows more than we do about ourselves. (confused yet?) He can actually reveal to us stuff about ourselves that we had no clue about.

who am i to try to hide and be ashamed...if I find myself in this place I tell myself the gospel truth: He accepts me! That's the beauty of the gospel. Brennan Manning says "He loves us just as we are and not as we should be since none of us is as we should be"

How about that?! How about responding to that... does that not free you up?! We are free to not give in to the devil's deception that "we can't approach God because we are not good enough"... He died for us "while we were yet sinners" Sooo... How does that free me up, you say? Well think about it like this... if you know you are loved and totally accepted regardless of your performance doesn't that free you up to walk in love (think about a child and parent) instead of in fear. You are free to be who He created you to be: in the image of Christ Jesus. You are the beloved so BE- loved! You've seen him or her before- the one who knows she is loved. She has a skip in her step, a light about her, and a twinkle in her eye. Well I believe God wants us to believe that He loves us in that same special way. He considered us valuable enough to die for us even while we were still sinners- He paid the life of His most precious Son for our lives that he might have RELATIONSHIP with us- not simply to redeem us and eradicate the debt that was owed for sin but ultimately that we may KNOW him and GLORIFY Him forever!

So what do we have to be ashamed of? God's not afraid of our sin, He has declared victory over it. He has freed us from the power of it. Who are we to think that we are supposed to be perfect in and of ourselves anyway? GOD does it. Grace says "GOD DOES IT" Not I who live but Christ lives in me. He is the only goodness in me. He is my source. I just get to walk in it. It's a gift. It's too good to be true, so it just might be the GOSPEL!

saw this posted on my nursing unit and thought it was pretty awesome. it shows the provision of the Lord in every area of our lives, to meet every need! and He does is for relationship and for His glory... read on!

A NEW LOOK AT PSALM 23~
The Lord is my Shepherd -That's Relationship
I shall not want -That's Supply (I'm lacking in nothing!)
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures -That's Rest (yep, He "maketh's" you)
He leadeth me beside the still waters -That's Refreshment
He restoreth my soul -That's Healing (soul: our thinker/feeler/chooser where He renews our mind!)
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness -That's Guidance (HE leads, not me! That's freedom!)
For His name's sake -That's Purpose (for HIS glory!)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death -That's Testing(-that we may KNOW Him!)
I will fear no evil -That's Protection
For Thou art with me -That's Faithfulness
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies -That's Hope
Thou anointest my head with oil -That's Consecration (He has called us HIS- set apart and holy!)
My cup runneth over -That's Abundance
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life -That's Blessing
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord -That's Security
Forever -That's Eternity!

He is ALL we need!

what does it look feel like/look like to be totally dependent upon Christ, welcoming the flow of His life through you in even the little things: well here's a little email conversation between and friend of mine and me- yep, it's a real life example... i know we've all been there, and God used a difficult relationship in her life to surface what He's wanting to do in her heart:

I said:

God> used [this tough thing in your life] to accomplish HIS purpose:
which is intimacy by way of a deeper> dependence springing out of an even
deeper NEED! praise the Lord to be> living (and believing) at the utter END
of your SELF! that lovely tension> that feels like you're gonna fall flat on
your face but somehow someway He's> got you.... and sooner than later you
enjoy this once umcomfortable position> because HE is doing the work and you
are just leaning into HIDING in HIM!> > praise Jesus for your life
and the hard stuff and the easy... going through> this i pray will continue
to awaken you to your need for Him, a desperate> one at that, even in the
pleasant times because you remember where you> really stand when all is
stripped totally. That's what GOD operates out of:> totally unashamed
barenakedness yet covered in Him alone.Total dependence> for everything... HE
is the vine and you are the branch! Yay! I see he has> "finally" -goh- come
after you!> > i love you

She responded:

that is it. He's got me to a place where I feel SO
uncomfortable.exposed even. and it FEELS like I'm walking on the edge of a cliff
attimes and I don't even know (symbollically) how to call for help. It'slike I
don't even know how to pray anymore. I'm completely disabled.But the Lord in His
faithfulness reminded me that "the Spirit alsohelps in our weaknesses. For we do
not know what we should pray for aswe ought, but the Spirit Himself makes
intercession for us withgroanings which cannot be uttered...He makes
intercession for thesaints according to the will of God." It is totally NOT up
to me towalk by the Spirit. Later in the chapter, Paul says that if the Spiritof
Christ is in me, then my body is dead because of sin, but theSpirit is life
because of righteousness. It's a matter of walking byFAITH to know that even
though (like in Romans 7) I don't understandwhat I do, for "what I will to do,
that I do not practice; but what Ihate, that I do." This is my heart: "For I
DELIGHT in the law of Godaccording to the inward man. But I see another law in
my members,warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity
tothe law of sin which is in my members"...He will deliver me!! I'm justgonna
have to trust that HE is in charge of the LIFE of CHRIST withinme and that I'm
just a partaker in this life. I give up. It's sostrange and boy does it ever
keep getting stranger - but I give up forthe rest of my life. you can definitely
say that my relationship andmy walk with the Lord is a unique one - definitely
not what I sawcoming. ha! but I will trust taht He is bringing me to a place
that isimpossible to get to without going this road. i will trust. i
willtrust.love you more

sarah kelly- an edgy singer who is definitely surrendered to the life of Father - almost pleading for Him to move her and in her... some lyrics that go exactly with the previous post and is the anthem for the day:

I choose to trust you even through the fire
Even when my eyes can’t see, yes, I know you’re right beside me
And I will always praise you Lord
No matter what may come
Because you are always faithful to me

So I will dream and I believe that what you’ve promised soon I will see
Soon I will see

It’s just a matter of time til I see your face, til I dance in your presence, and sing of your grace
It’s just a matter of time til I hear you say ‘well done’

I surrender to your will, to your way, to your plan
All I have and all I am… all I am

It’s just a matter of time…

she's on i tunes. she's cool.

but moreso the lyrics are cool... we all know that faith is a choice right? it's being SURE of things HOPED for (not things we already feel or have. . . i think those have already come to pass!). He asks for continuous faith... belief. so many of us say... well i know who I am : righteous, beloved, forgiven, but it's so hard to apply it, to live it. well to that i say "just BELIEVE it!" surrendering the right to feel the truth see the truth or understand it... give Him willing believing heart and He will honor it. yes, the GOSPEL is saving power to those who ARE believing. Present tense. ha.... It has no power for those who once believed or who plan on believing later.

The Gospel is so cool... just when you think you are in the depths of misery, loneliness, uncertainty... he covers you. and covers you, and covers you. Because HE can! HE wants to lift us out and we can never lift ourselves out in the way that He does. Just when I think I am a miserable unlovable person and almost start to claim that he speaks truth over me. and covers me with amazing Grace and enables me to continue this road.

By faith alone... all things experienced here are but a shadow of what is really to come! Praise the Lord that it's only a matter of time (time is a small thing in God's economy: he is not bound by it!) til we see Him and hear "well done" wow. it makes me wanna slow down and hear from Him now: "what would you have me do Lord!?"

i highly recommend going to 268generation.com and listening to louie's grace series. i just listened to the second talk in the series. He talks about how it's so easy to take the easy way through life but you miss out on the reward... the eternal one that is. what a joy it will be to throw down our crown at the feet of our Jesus- He has given us the grace to do things anyway. I think we become so comfortable with 'who we are' in Christ that the word 'do' scares us.

I pray that I understand grace even more so that it makes me an active believer who definitely yields to Christ since He wants to do life for me, and my heart motive is not to earn status or recognition, my motive is a 'want to' not necessarily for Christ or for a certain end(just for a reward or so i'll look good in the kingdom: these are self-centered not Christ centered motives), but because Christ 'wants to' in me. I am sure there's so much he wants to do in an through us to accomplish His eternal purpose:

His people in intimate relationship with Him.

And as we trust him to do this we grow in intimacy with Him. We learn to hear Him clearly and trust Him unashamedly without caution or regret. Our loving Savior is trustworthy you know?!

I got nothing but the grace of God, that is. How often to I look to lesser Gods for my self worth and security only to be disappointed and shake my fist at him... "Why did you allow that God?"

Secure life in Christ is living only in Him. It's seeing things from HIS perspective. And it's only by His grace that I can even begin to see that much: a total gift. Disappointment and discontentedness may last a moment, but HE is consistent and never changing. I have to prech that to myself constantly.

The same God who delivered me out of those lies, that bondage, that desperation is with me today and is more than capable of giving that if only I will receive it... *note to self: yes, Grace is still a free gift!

Could it be that things aren't as we hoped so that He can show himself to be true hope?
Could it be that he keeps us from feeling the truth until we will simply believe it by faith and not feeling?
Could I be an idiot for thinking that the more tangible thing is the real thing?
Possibly so... and now there is a choice to be made:
To believe or not to believe: that's the question.
Not only am I a woman of grace but one of truth. Grace without truth is a license to throw grace on the back burner and live for myself. Grace with truth, walking in truth and REALITY of HIM and His life- is true freedom: Freedom to be who he created me to be and to enjoy Him in each moment. No longer a slave to lies, disappointment, and discontentment.
*note to self: You, my friend, are HIS. Nothing less.

i have a cool new alarm clock i got for my b'day from dear ol' dad... it's an ipod alarm clock where the ipod charges all night and you can wake up to your choice of music. i have mine set on shuffle and this morning i got to listen to a john piper sermon on worship. he said 'are you worshipping God so to can get the blessing? It's as if you are you are saying " i don't want you God, i want the thing!'

hmmm so obvious but so subtle in life. i so often ask so much of Him but He continues to humble me. That in and of itself is amazing. How HE (not even me humbling myself, but HE... and I acknowledge and yield to it) humbles me in HIS sovereign grace. And Christ IN me gives me the power to say 'yes'.

He is the end all beat all above all of all things. HE. Father. God! It's all about Him and His glory and when I stop and think that I wanted the 'thing' I am blown away because He is so much greater. Why would I even worship that?

Lord I confess to you that I struggle with wanting things more than You! I declare today with my lips that NOTHING compares to you! You are bigger than time or space or anything my finite mind can conjure up. Not only that, but you are more glorious and beautiful and powerful and magnificent than words can describe. You are greater than words and I'll stop now that I may sit in your presense, declaring you are King of All.

why didn't anyone tell me about this season of life? i know i am not the only one b/c i am hearing it from the many of us who are in our twenties: where am i and what in the heck am i doing? i believe it was rachel who said it best when she said 'post college is the new middle school' i would even say it's worse. better in some ways (like, there aren't as many mean people i dont think, orrr... the mean people are just really good at it and they just deceive you instead) but worse in others (like you don't have the luxury of your life decisions being crystal clear... the obvious answer to "what will i do after 7th grade?" is always oh, I will go on to 8th, if i dont pass i will just try again! life is simple" . yikes. who can you trust to tell you the next step in this crazy world? i am tired of hearing 'get ahead' 'plan for the future' 'you have to achieve, work harder, beat everyone else out' is that really what we want?

we (yes me, mer, and jared) went to see crash tonight at the dolla' theater (and yes, i am campaigning for adoption by this precious couple). it was somewhat disturbing to see corruption and murder and all that comes with it, but like i've said before, those things are only symptoms of deeper issues. sandra bullock's character realized that it was not her stolen car that made her angry, but she had actually been angry for years and doesn't know why. (and anger itself is always a symptom of a deeper hurt or fear, right?).

it's amazing how feelings can take such a toll on you. enought 'feeling' can bring physical pain, emotional pain, and spiritual pain... it's amazing how that movie just stirred me up in a way that would bring some of my own issues to the surface. sometimes that's just what it takes. my mentor from the summer who is a kindred spirit of mine in the way of how we deal emotionally would always talk about how important it is to get 'em out... and if it takes a sad movie or song to do so, go for it. offer those up to the Lord, and receive the exchange. hm. i feel like i have been making more exchanges lately than ever before. joy for mourning. beauty for ashes. and more...

the world around us so often dictates and requires that we feel and act a certain way- asking for uniformity and conformity for some reason: just the opposite of what i believe God wants- We are reflections of His life and He has innumerable qualities and characteristics, feelings and desires.... so he made us in His image to let those out. Yet we live in the box the world throws around us, binding us and leaving us to e another face in the crowd. Then we buy the lie that God sees us as another face in the crowd too. Thank goodness He is totally 100% NOT that way!

We all have heard Psalm 139 a billion times (especially if you are a girl...) but I choose to receive life from this psalm because I need to know I am special, I need to know I am significant, and I need to know I am somebody. Resting in Christ meets these needs by faith while the world preaches the opposite. My prayer is that HE is the reality of our lives. This world and the forces of worldly thinking rushing all around us and, lets be honest, sometimes captivate us for some reason to think that this tangible touchable stuff is what it's all about is but a shadow, and breath, and it will be insignificant in the blink of an eye. He will still be because he was and is and is to come.

So what's MY reality today? Well that God is sovereign and the source of all things- MY reality is that my circumstances cannot change my joy and feelings for " 2It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. 3As the heavens for height, and the earth for depth, so the heart of kings is unsearchable. 4Take away the dross from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel; 5take away the wicked from the presence of the king, and his throne will be established in righteousness. " (Prov. 25) If i want to be or not I am still a part of the bigger masterpiece that He is orchestrating.

-I can rest because if He wanted me to have a family to come home to, He would give them, but he wants me in a strange city that's big and kinda scary that I may know Him more intimately. -I can rest because if He wanted me to have friends that are walking this road right beside me he would provide them but for now it's my job to know Him more intimately and He is keeping me to it.
-I can rest because if He wanted me feeling comfortable, safe, and floating around in a pleasant happy time He would orchestrate that, but He has allowed this new transition phase that I might be displeased with the temporary highs of the world for the sake of knowing Him in a raw and real way. He's the adventure.

HE


is Life.


all other things will fade, but HE who is not bound by space or time and is an inconceivable being who somehow had baptized us into His life and shares it with us now is here, intimately connected with us by faith. the spiritual me is the real me, and what a mystery that truly is... "2It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out." Good thing it's about His glory and not ours. Good thing He has the upper hand in being the creator and orchestrator of all, leaving us desperately depending on Him for every need.

go to merediths blog... it basically explains my life lately: somewhat slow and boring but at least we have each other!!!

http://meredithjsmith.blogspot.com/2005/09/star-struck-in-bham.html

i knew the Lord would use this next year to make real the things i learned this summer. this is so fun to record my personal examples as he solidifies what's really important.

i really enjoy the phrase "it's all gonna burn". I often use it when i stop and realize i am worrying about something ridiculous or i am in an uncomfortable situation, but really what exactly IS gonna burn? material stuff? sure. but what else? i would venture to say the motives of our hearts. things done not trusting the life of Christ to do it through us/things done in our own strength/taking credit for the fruit of our own lives is something that is of "wood, hay, and stubble" as KJV says opposed to life in the Spirit, which is compared to gold!

and isn't it cool what he does in our lives, like Job said: "10But He knows the way that I take [He has concern for it, appreciates, and pays attention to it]. When He has tried me, I shall come forth as refined gold [pure and luminous]." It's part of that beautiful sanctification. It's His job to heat up that gold, testing it and purifying it when He skims off the dross... little by little the impurities are removed.

Acknowledging an all powerful God and that the results are His is foundational to understanding His economy:
in the Spirit= tapping into the Life within us.
Living in Eternity today: He IS eternal life, He IS the only being that is eternal and we share in that today! We were baptized into His life at the moment when we placed our faith in Him. This is so central to understanding that real life (life that lasts and stands all tests) is solely in Christ Jesus.

1 Cor 3 says it better than I could:

7So neither he who plants is anything nor he who waters, but [only] God Who makes it grow and become greater. 8He who plants and he who waters are equal (one in aim, of the same importance and esteem), yet each shall receive his own reward (wages), according to his own labor.
9For we are fellow workmen (joint promoters, laborers together) with and for God; you are God's [b]garden and vineyard and field under cultivation, [you are] God's building.(A)
10According to the grace (the special endowment for my task) of God bestowed on me, like a skillful architect and master builder I laid [the] foundation, and now another [man] is building upon it. But let each [man] be careful how he builds upon it,
11For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is [already] laid, which is Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
12But if anyone builds upon the Foundation, whether it be with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,
13The work of each [one] will become [plainly, openly] known (shown for what it is); for the day [of Christ] will disclose and declare it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test and critically appraise the character and worth of the work each person has done.
14If the work which any person has built on this Foundation [any product of his efforts whatever] survives [this test], he will get his reward.
15But if any person's work is burned up [under the test], he will suffer the loss [of it all, losing his reward], though he himself will be saved, but only as [one who has passed] through fire.(B)
16Do you not discern and understand that you [the whole church at Corinth] are God's temple (His sanctuary), and that God's Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, [c]collectively as a church and also individually]?
17If anyone [d]does hurt to God's temple or corrupts it [[e]with false doctrines] or destroys it, God will [f]do hurt to him and bring him to the corruption of death and destroy him. For the temple of God is holy (sacred to Him) and that [temple] you [[g]the believing church and its individual believers] are.
18Let no person deceive himself. If anyone among you supposes that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool [let him discard his worldly discernment and recognize himself as dull, stupid, and foolish, without true learning and scholarship], that he may become [really] wise.(C)
19For this world's wisdom is foolishness (absurdity and stupidity) with God, for it is written, He lays hold of the wise in their [own] craftiness;(D)
20And again, The Lord knows the thoughts and reasonings of the [humanly] wise and recognizes how futile they are.(E)
21So let no one exult proudly concerning men [boasting of having this or that man as a leader], for all things are yours,
22Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas (Peter), or the universe or life or death, or the immediate and [h]threatening present or the [subsequent and uncertain] future--all are yours,
23And you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.

This beautiful passage not only clarifies WHO you are (a temple, Christ's, God's, sacred, the dwelling place of God's spirit) but also How to live- He states it clearly that the world's wisdom is foolishness, haha, absurdity and stupidity. The world looks for results, and God looks at the heart. Only He can see the true motives. Lord in your mercy, make me a fool so I can see things from your perspective!

I think it's so easy to be critical. I know I often am for one reason or another: feeding my self worth (using my own twisted ways to find value) instead of receiving Christ's worth mainly, but He is so faithful to gently remind me that HE alone sees the heart. I definitely don't have that power...ha, there is only ONE God...

I was at a worship service tonight and the world would probably rate it "fair" or "so-so" because the guy with the guitar messed up a decent amoutn. I even said myself that 'he got carried away" (God I confess this to you) but God does not see it that way! It's so frustrating to us b/c we have been molded too long to the world who is always looking for perfection, but I sensed the Lord saying "I know this man's heart" which He does (1 samuel 16:7) and boy this guy was worshipping with all he had for sure. A humble heart should lead me more than a perfect performance. And a humble worshipper who chooses to do so in Spirit and in Truth is precious in the sight of God: precious as gold, that is! The analyzing critical spirit is most likely not done in Christ. There is one who has said that this is 'leadership" and I concur to a degree. But if it is to the point that we are missing HIM, then possibly we've missed the point.

See, God calls this "success" if this guy is yielded to Him and trusting Him to live his Life through his being. THAT is God's economy. Christ has already paid the price for the unbelief of the one who acts in His own strength while leading worship or preaching a sermon. If it was the perfect performance but of a man trusting in self God says 'failure' and that performance will burn up and the foolish worlds says "great! what beautiful sound" Boy can we be foolish and miss the heart of it all... If God wanted it to look fantastic He would let it be so. Is He not an all-powerful God? Does he not rule the world as we know it? I believe he DOES. In light of eternity and knowing Him, what is more important? The outside appearance or the heart? I pray i will not take this question lightly as Paul asks: (yes I'm repeating for emphasis)

16Do you not discern and understand that you [the whole church at Corinth] are God's temple (His sanctuary), and that God's Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, [a]collectively as a church and also individually]?

And it's only by His GRACE that I get to be a part of something so much bigger than me: of Christ's life, living in and through me. True life is yielding to Him as His spirit works through your "temple" as you surrender your ideas and motives to His. Totally. 100%.

Thank you Lord that if you wanted to move mountains, you would. And thank you for not moving them that we may choose to trust you more and you in your grace cause us to have to trust in that which we cannot see, finding a deeper trust and dependence than ever before. Thank you for all you do to sanctify us and ultimately to be intimate with us. All things are from you, and I want to receive them as such. Thank You Father.

thought for the day:
from Problems, God's Presense, and Prayer by Michael Wells:

It talks about how problems are God's tools to bring us to intimacy with himself:"God has a funnel, in a manner of speaking, that allows Him to take you (a very small creature) out of the masses of humanity and place you exactly where He wants you. If you could examine it, you would find that God's funnel is made up of various problems: contrary people, events,circumstances, vexing church situations, financial pressures, failures,thoughts, dysfunctional marriages, poor health, and trying family situations to name a few. All these problems are calculated to pressure you , the believer, farther and farther into the narrow way that leads to the very presence of God,where problems will no longer be a concern, but prayer, joy, and praise will be the course of the day."

Wow! He allows these things to come ultimately so that He will be ourexistence and reality. It's not about fixing problems but running to and resting in HIM! In light of this, can't you see how HE is responsible for molding and shaping us? We just have to say yes. Things are gonna happen either way- so we can either let them do what they were intended to do or ignore it and focus on our problems instead of Him. We can either fight the funnel or give up and surrender to it, knowing He is sovereign and totally loving.

"Accepting with joy and thankfulness where we are today as coming from the hand of a loving God, who knows exactly what we need, allows us to find peace."Praise Jesus! I pray we can all walk in the truth and we have the person ofpeace LIVING in and through us as we abide in the Spirit by faith in Him and not ourselves. He is our peace! He IS peace.

We think life is so complicated, but I think it's only because we are deceived. We weren't designed to focus on circumstances or other humans. We were made to be in relationship with a perfect Father, totally dependent on His resources and not our own. Usually the turmoil we experience is merely a loss of focus. The turmoil is a symptom of believing the lie that "I can be my own God" so we stop. Then we tune in to the gentle whisper. He says "Come, return to me, I love you, I want you, I desire you" and we respond: " I need you! I am helpless, You are faithful! I receive what you have because I know you are in control, and I am not. YOU are all I need" and then He gives us just what we need, proving the searching and misfocus never works, but He alone is sufficient.

He is steadfast, never changing. It's so simple. It never ceases to amaze me how I have to be reminded often but every homecoming is the same: Like the prodigal I return, humbled at my own mistakes and misconceptions and He kindly runs to me overjoyed to see me again! I merely had to just face Him and he RUNS! What a wonderful father. He knew I would be back I think.

Why do we focus so much on worldly things? They are temporary! The Spiritual is eternal- that's where our inheritance is! It's available today and too good to be true... "If it's too good to be true, it just might be the GOSPEL!"

How am i sooo lucky to have met Him?
Who am I to know the King of Kings?
What was He thinking when He united my spirit with His for eternity?
It's a beautiful mystery.

Brennan Manning says it so clearly: (from The Rabbi's Heartbeat)

"To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart
and feel liked and accepted...not having to hide anymore and distract myself
with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation...staying in the
present moment and not escaping into the past or projecting into the future,
alert and attentive to the now...feeling relaxed and not nervous or jittery...no
need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself...Unselfconscious, a
new way of being with myself, a new way of being in the world...calm, unafraid,
no anxiety about what's going to happen next...loved and valued...just being
together as an end in itself.

Father God, thank you for calling to me when I am hiding from You and
everyone else, including myself Thank you that when I was matted and muddy
with sin You loved me and looked for me to return home. Thank you for
giving me a safe place within the unconditional love of Christ. Amen"

I cant wait to read this book... this man has an incredible grasp on the heart of Jesus and know Him! Don't you see there's more than just knowing about him? He wants us to know Him and his LOVE for us... for you and me in own own unique way we like to be loved. He is able to do that if we'll only receive it to ourselves... Jesus is incredible.

Just when I think it's a plain old day, the Holy Spirit reminds me HE is here. I am in the presense of the living God. I hear Him in the gentle whisper and He stirs my soul. He makes the slow day and majestic one. He is faithful to show His infinite beauty and power which makes me feel significant and beatiful all the same because of this big God who is 'mindful' of me! I have truly enjoyed knowing Him here inside me and in this present moment. O the brink of a new life, new surroundings, new people, new job... on the brink of major feelings of unknowing and unsure-ness (i know these are not words but they fit for now-) in fact, we can never know what's around the corner, but I really have no clue, so I start this new chapter with a heart that's in need of Him as EVERYTHING else is changing- some that I thought would be one way are another- all the more evidence that things are in His hands and His ways and not mine. I am so glad to be in His presense today, full of a deep seated joy when the surface and circumstances try to convince me I am scared and hurt and losing all, the Spirit reminds me of my inheritance: power, victory, pleasure, joy and all I need for life and godliness. I don't need the other things but I sure do need Him. Only Him. And His inifinite value makes me fall and worship. What else can I do- without Him I am dead, with Him i am fully ALIVE! Oh, he is so worth pursuing. Quiet your heart and your day, deep in your soul, and hear Him speak to your spirit: " I love you, I make you whole and complete, I am passionate for you and especially YOU"

so it's a couple of days until i shed my fort mill, sc address. and i will have to shed my auburn address as well since my bank and credit card folks think i still live in sweet sweet sterling. those were the days. it's amazing how time flies and how the 'next step' comes regardless of if we are ready or not. yet here i am... packing up and heading out to embark... i think life is always embarking actually. it's a journey and you can never possibly know exactly where you're going. only God knows and everything could change in an instant. but you know what doesn't change? your position in Christ. That will always be the same. You will be resting in Christ at the right hand of the Father. It's true and it's now. That's why we can endure the journey and walk the path that we can hardly see but a couple feet in front of us. I might have said this before, but I still get such a picture of how God leads us through a lyric from Sarah Kelley's "faithful Father" where she says "i feel the heat of your lamp on my feet, guiding my way. why do i worry why do i worry about tomorrow, when you hold the future in your hands"
Psalm 43:3-5 is a prayer of mine (the implications are many):
Send out your light and your truth let them lead me;(Jesus IS the light and truth and he is already in us. When He brings light in our lives he exposed the darkness. and TRUTH sets you FREE! How else will we be free to live and be lead by Christ's life if we don't know the truth of who he is and who we are)
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! (Yes! Praise Jesus - He is the ONE who leads us to the inner courts- he has torn the curtain to bring us into the Holy of Holies any time we want- anytime- we can focus in on our Spirit in Union with His in the core of our being- wow. we ARE the temple of God)
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy,(amen, this is the only place to receive and find joy: in your Union with Him)
and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul (Remember, your soul includes your mind will and emotions but you no longer live out of your own thoughts but they are TRANSFORMED by the live Spirit inside of you- Live out of your spirit and "rain on" those feelings!),
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation (WHOLENESS)
and my God.(He is only yours! Claim Him as Your God- your great need-meeter!)

Praise Jesus for Life that exists in Him. He loves you and me more than we'll ever ever know. Believe it and receive it moment my moment and your life will be transformed.

Psalm 8
1 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! 2 Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4 What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? (Other versions say care for..., I have heard it meant 'in an intimate way' in greek) 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7 All sheep and oxen— Even the beasts of the field, 8 The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas. 9 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth! (picture from somewhere on the blue ridge parkway)

Let us not forsake what creation does: It leaves us in awe of God's greatness, His power, His creativity (we see that in creation and the different people we know!) But what about the heart issues? The unseen? Well looking at creation and then seeing that he made us for the heart issues: He made us to receive the side of Him that is not so much tangible but yet so very REAL. His grace expressed to us in Love. Truly - how can God who made (formed and fashioned by His own will) the universe relate intimately with us? What is man? Who am I that you would care for or VISIT me?? Who am I that you dwell inside of me (someone that big and powerful finds me significant enough to give Himself for me) and use all that you have made in creation to point to yourself so I can believe that you are God and you delight in me?! You want to know me!? Oh wait, you already to know all about me. You knew it all: That I would doubt, that I would worship idols, that I would fail and you still chose me so you could love me (Eph. 2:4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.), in big and little ways.

I like how You're a God details: thanks for the wildflowers and walking with me on the side of the mountain and making me feel pretty...and calling me beautiful. Thanks Dad. You're all I need.

The Lord has continued to solidify in me what He has been writing on my heart all along. I think a big key is realizing that the Spiritual Me is the real me. I know I am transformed for sure but it's hard to tell of a before and after. Why? Because I have been this person all along... ever since my day of salvation-before the foundations of time I was accepted in the beloved! It's who I am! Regardless of how I feel (which its been amazing to see the emotional healing He's brought me to) the Truth is what God says. When I stand on that and ask Him for His perspective (what do YOU think about this Lord) He tells me and I receive it. Even if it's too good to be true. So the truths of the Spirit are more real than anything here on earth. The things of the Lord are Eternal and we can participate in that now, seeing that we are truly seated at the right hand of the Father (RESTING) in Christ. You may feel like things are chaotic or confusing but then the devil has you: He's eating your lunch (stealing the joy that's yours in Christ) because he's got you wrapped up in the world and worldly things. God wants to give us HIS perspective. He wants us totally dependent on Him because HE made us for that! That's HIS design! Our purpose is to know Him intimately and how great is that when He does it (as always) by GIVING. Our job is only to RECEIVE, even if it's too good to be true we get to receive from an overflow of unconditional, no-matter-what-you-did/didn't-do LOVE!
amen and amen

<-- even this girl know's she's accepted in the beloved, buck teeth and everything, and secure and worth everything to Father. God love 'er...

Are you living out of your IDENTITY in Christ or on your old thought patterns?
Wanna know how to transform your mind? Put on Christ! He has given you a new heart (Ez. 36:26) that's alive to God. You are no longer a slave to sin. You are a slave to RIGHTEOUSNESS: that's your nature... your identity.

Jack Taylor said something to the effect of this: being weak in your mind makes the truths of your identity precious. Oh wow, how the Lord has made this truth to me! The more I surrender what I think about things and ask the Lord to reveal the reality of the gospel... well, HE does it! The truth of who I am in Christ sets me free. One thing that gets me a lot is a judgemental mindframe, but the more I recognize that I am totally accepted in Christ the more I no longer have to think of ways to form my own sense of worth...ultimately by belittling others! YUCK! He has given me total worth and acceptance and I know longer have to live out of my mind. I live out of my Spirit... my identity... and then my mind is transformed by that. Then, when a judgemental thought comes "I am so much more intimate with God than she is" I can take it captive: because the word says that we are not to judge and that we are ALL accepted not by what we do... and God sees the heart (I know I cannot) and ultimately because I am a child of God, and a righteous one at that. So since a righteous person does not think like that, then who's thought was that? Not mine! I refuse to take that as my own and reject this lie; Knowing that "she" is loved and accepted without condition. Knowing that none of us can get any closer or intimate with God that we already are, that thought is a lie, and I refuse to puff my own opinion up of myself (thinking i'm 'better than') to feel good. That's a cheap quick fix. Father offers wholeness and love regardless of my understanding of it or not! Praise God- I am not a judgemental person but a loving person in Christ.

So how am I livin? Well, we are similar to a temple on the old testament days. Looking from the outside you can see the walls (like our physical body: plain to the eye) and the outer courts- what makes up our body or our "members" then comes the Holy Place (this is like our soul: our mind will and emotions and what we operated out of before Christ gave us His life. This part is being progressively renewed to truth and changed/sanctified) and the innermost part is the Holy of Holies, separated by a curtain or veil where the Lord resides (this is like our Spirit- where we receive our identity at salvation).

The problem is when we were born our spirit was dead to God- we had no other option but to live out of the soul (out of the strength of our minds and how we perceived the world from day one- as twisted as that view may be). We use logic and our own will to make life work.

Once we become saved our spirit is reborn (we are a new creation) and we now have Christ as our source. We no longer have to figure out life on our own! He is all sufficient! The sad thing is we had become so comfortable living in and out of our mind we don't realize the freedom that's behind that curtain. Christ, the High priest, actually came to tear that curtain and invite us to intimacy/union/oneness with Him. But our free will (he's not gonna force us to love him or seek him) may continue to live/find life out of the mind. Thank goodness he is faithful to break us, to bring us to dependence on Him where we see that the mind is not sufficient but he is all sufficient. (Some it may take longer than others, sadly b/c some of us are really good at using our own thinking.)

Good news: He has torn down the barrier by totally paying the price for our sin (no debts owed by you or me) and giving us His life (residing in our spirit: our own Holy of Holies) and renewing our mind to the truth of our identity. THEN our mind is transformed and we live life out of the Spirit... the truths of our identity penetrate our thinking and we can surrender to HIM, knowing that just when I can't figure it out on my own, He is enough and He gives me His perspective--His godly wisdom, and Christ is my ultimate focus. He has given me all I need in Him. My TRUE identity. My TRUE nature.

Progressively, my thinking becomes more in line with His, more often my feelings line of with the truth and I stand changed: More like Christ, in whom Father finds great delight- living in His rest and peace and enjoying eternity today. What a gift the gospel is! Who else but God could give a heart message that changes you daily, frees you daily, and ultimately LOVES you daily and meeds every need in Christ Jesus?!!

It never ceases to amaze me how central the gospel truly is. I have said it many times before and I will continue to say that Jesus is the answer to everything. Want wisdom (which I believe is not a matter of 'what' but of 'who') ? Ask God- He will give you His perspective. It's amazing how free you can become if you will just tap into Christ in you (yep, you have the mind of Christ). He have EVERYTHING you need for life and godliness.
For life? Really?
Yep- Again, the gospel applies to ev-er-y-thing.
Relationship problems?
Take it to the gospel. It is so freeing to myself and those I come in contact with when I see them as God sees them... and when I see myself and God sees me: unconditionally accepted, not defined by my behavior in the flesh but in my new identity in Christ. Example: So if this person is treating me in an unloving way or I don't feel their love I take it to God...

"God how do you see this person?"
"Well Katie, I see him as loving because in Christ he IS loving. That's how I see him: for who he is. I accept him as my beloved child and nothing he can do can change that. I know his heart and I have not made you where you can see his heart, that's my job. Leave his behavior up to me and love him. Accept him. I have paid the price for all that he has done against you on the cross, therefore the behavior is irrelevant to complete and total acceptance. Love him like I have loved you, forgive him and accept him just as I have done for you."

If I follow Father's advice I am freed up in many ways:
I don't have to control this person or make them love me. I free them up to love me out of their fullness in Christ since I do not put standards or law on them by judging them (judging them in my heart or outwardly to their face is the same thing). I have a relationship where I am free to be myself because I am not worried about being rejected myself because I know who I am: Accepted and totally loved and in the beloved. I don't need this persons love although it is icing on the cake: It can be an affirmation and intensification of what I already know and have actually received from Christ alone but it can never replace it. Christ alone is enough.

True acceptance is from Christ: NOT Christ + others or Christ + acceptance of myself +others
it's HIM. And as He reveals this more and more to me, the more my freedom increases because regardless of what happens or what my circumstances my indicate (rejection, failure, etc) I stand accepted totally by a Holy Father who loves me with a depth that no man can touch. THAT is enough.

I am officially a Registered Nurse. Dad read me the letter congratulating my passing the NCLEX exam! Phew! That's one more step to my future, but you know it really doesn't matter the details of my future. I am just so excited about living in Christ... and I have a whole life ahead of me, I can't even imagine what it holds, but I know WHO it will be full of. Oh, there's nothing better than to have that confidence.

I am almost weeping now as I write this because I am a little emotional over watching Anne of Green Gables. What a classic. I loved that movie as a little girl and it's so beautiful - the life Anne lived. She made room to dream, to use her imagination, and followed the advice of Marilla Cuthbert and made 'room for romance' If only the whole world lived as they did long ago- taking time for people, taking time to play more. It's not half or even a quarter as serious as we make it. I am pretty sure God wants us to dance and play.

My mentor was praying over me in session and the Lord gave her a vision of me as a sheep (in my mind, one who has a high degree of 'no clue') and my Shepherd was calmly coming alongside me. Walking with me. And then the vision transformed and His precious girl twirled about. It was almost like I could feel the room spinning as Jesus spun me around. What girl doesn't wanna spin, know she's lovely, and know she's cared for. Oh right now I know and its overwhelming. [more weeping].

It's so true though! Just like Anne we were once orphans, and we all have a Matthew Cuthbert Father figure who falls in love instantly, loves us like crazy and would do anything to honor and bring out the true beauty in us: the string of pearls, the beautiful dresses and fabrics... We become adopted! Part of a family! How valuable is a family when you recognize that you were truly without one before-lost and alone?? Now we're part of something bigger and more beautiful than we had ever hoped or imagined. Another aspect of the Deity that fills us is that Gilbert- oh His gaze is fixed, and his pursuit is intense, and though we reject Him, and we think he can't possibly be as good as he appears, He IS. Oh, beloveds He is. And He loves us deeply and will not stop at anything to rescue us from our own pride- our thinking that being on our own is better. He knows that relationship is better, and He's just waiting for us to make time for romance.

Thank you Jesus for lining up feelings with TRUTH! I am so blessed and honored to be only yours. You are forever faithful! My heart is yours.

The Bible’s purpose is not so much to show you how to live a good life. The Bible’s purpose is to show you how God’s grace breaks into your life against your will and saves you from the sin and brokenness otherwise you would never be able to overcome...religion is ‘if you obey, then you will be accepted’. But the Gospel is, ‘if you are absolutely accepted, and sure you’re accepted, only then will you ever begin to obey'. Those are two utterly different things. Every page of the Bible shows the difference. Dr. Timothy Keller

Let the accuser roar of sins that I have done. I know them all, plus thousands more. Jehovah knoweth none. --unknown hymn

It's amazing what love motivates us to do. I've said it more than once that I hope to continue to fall more in love with the Lord so much so that I am a fool for him. This may sound fanatical to some, but I imagine Jesus sounded like a fanatic when he was saying he is the son of God. That's just kinda how he does things. But I have found the more I come into knowing HIs love, the more fanatical I become! Jesus came to clarify that it's not about works. He wanted us to know that our identity is not found in what we do. The world and religion tries to tell us the opposite... "I am a lawyer" "I'm a nurse" "I'm a student" "I'm a runner" "I play guitar" "I'm a blonde"
Isn't there more to us than that? Aren't human beings infinitely valuable? I believe they are if God allowed His son to die for us while we were DEAD and in Sin (It's like it says in Romans: It's one thing to die for a good man, but another to die for a man who is dead... dead in his sin). Wow. He LOVES us! He considers us of great value. I believe it's our SPIRIT that relates to God. It's what makes us different than every other creature here on earth and the trouble is when we are born our spirit is deformed, dead in sin. The Good News is that Christ came, was born with a Live Spirit, lived a perfect life, and even though he had no debt owed for his sin (yep he did not commit one) He payed the price for all of ours. Why? So we could be with HIM. Sin separates and Jesus' sacrifice unites. He gives us His Holy Spirit, His life (the old has gone and the new has come) when we accept it to be true (remember it's true, therefore I believe it) and acknowledge our spiritual death and rebirth at the cross. We aren't just forgiven, but we are given a new identity. Pure, holy, child of God. There's nothing we can do/not do to change that.

Hear this: Our sin has NOTHING to do with us! Our behavior is not who we are. The more we realize this the more we can accept ourselves and accept others. Who wouldn't want to love a precious child of the King of Kings?! Our behavior is irrelevant in God's economy- in eternity- at the judgement seat of Christ all things not done if faith will burn up like wood hay and stubble (this includes good things we did for our own selfish purposes, out of self strength) and those done in Christ will last. Your behavior is NOT your identity! Remember Jesus calling the pharisees out because they thought they were righteous because of what they did? They were wrong. They missed the point. They missed the love relationship with God.

You see, when I know that my righteousness is totally totally given to me from Christ I can rest, stop trying to earn or fabricate something that I already have and live in relationship. My life may look similar to someone living by the law b/c they are good principles but they will struggle all their lives to live for a God who has impossible expectations and punishes when I mess up or miss the point. Focusing on the law makes you miss relationship and rely on self. When I recognize the depravity of self strength (end of self) I can totally surrender. I am FREE. I am FREE to be ME in the Presense of a loving father God, my companion, my fortress, my deliverer.
So I dont live for a God who has harsh demands- who would want to be intimate with a stone cold person like that? I live for a God who loves me and gave Himself for me. How could I be anything but obedient to Him, I mean, I hardly have to think about it because I know my identity, I know where I stand with Him, I experience His presense and the power in that and I dont have to look for love or significance because I have all I need in Christ Jesus, in His life that He freely gives. Wow. Mind-boggling...

These words were too powerful and profound to keep to myself, but in light of being dependent on Christ for every need and condering ALL things lost for the sake of knowing Him this woman much have had incredible intimacy with her Jesus. She knew him and the fellowship of His sufferings and His resurrection life and more...

We are at Jesus' disposal. If He wants you to be sick in bed, if He wants you to proclaim His Word in the street, that's allright, everything is all right. And this is our strength and this is the joy of the Lord.
Total surrender to God must come in small details just as it comes in big details. It's nothing but that single word, 'Yes, I accept whatever you give and I give whatever you take.' And this is just a simple way for us to be holy.
To be holy doesn't mean to do extraordinary things, to understand big things, but it is a simple acceptance, because I have given myself to God, because I belong to Him--my total surrender. He could put me here, He could put me there, He can use me, He can not use me. It doesn't matter because I belong so totally to Him that He can do just what He wants to do with me.
-Mother Teresa

Now THAT is total surrender that that is what God asks and that is what Christ did at the cross, giving up all his rights to be obedient to death for the joy set before him. And when we surrender our rights we are agreeing that God is ENOUGH to meet our needs and that His plans are best. This place of total surrender is where rest is- what can man do to me when all responsibility is place on God to do what HE wants to do. So freeing, So hard, but so so so important. So necessary to allowing Him to work in you, because that which you are holding so tightly to, claiming to thing you need that thing, if it's not God is only keeping you in bondage.

Christ has an exchange.

Trusting Christ JEsus as my life means that moment by moment I am free to choose to :
give up the right to be accepted by people, I am willing to be/feel rejected therefore trust CHRIST alone as my COMPANION (that is just the word He gave me. He will giveyou just the exchange you need if you ask Him. He's worth it!)

And that is just one of the many examples. I can joyfully release that and know that even if I am rejected my world is not crashed in because that need is totally met in Christ. There are tons of rights I have been giving to Him and there is so much freedom and victory to be had when I release that prideful control. Here's the powerful prayer we pray after the Lord leads people to give up rights:

"I give you permission to do anything You wish to me, with me, in me, or through me (um wow what are the implications of that??!!) which would glorify You.
I claimed these rights at one time to be mine, but now they all belong to YOU and are under Your control. You can do with them and with me anything You please. I know that this does not eliminate my responsibilities nor my obedience to You or Your word. (It only relieves me of my control over specific areas of my life as you continue to transform me and make me more like Christ).

Lord I want you to do whatever with me- whatever it takes to know you as my portion to the deepest part of me. Glorify yourself God! Your ways are so much better.

Psalm 46:4There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.
5God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her right early [at the dawn of the morning].

I wanna look at this through the eyes of the new covenant:

"There is a river (living water of the Holy Spirit) whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles (I am the temple of the Holy Spirit: He has made me holy and He has indwelled me with this river of His spirit) of the Most High. [The Most High God lives in you! That's what happened at salvation, and yes, you have the holy spirit as well. I don't think that the Trinity could be separated and you just received Jesus, right?] God is in the midst of [me!], and [I] shall not be moved (is He not my fortress, my stronghold and am i not rooted and grounded in His love born of His Spirit?) God will help [me] right early at the dawn of the morning. (Yep, He's there when I wake up- My love is there desiring to meet my needs because there is nothing, absolutely not one thing, I can do to meet them on my own. But I have all I need in this Holy Spirit inside of me if I just:
10Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. (even if my world is falling apart, He gives deliverance!)

And I leave you with this:
11The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

If you just so happened to be driving down Regent Park drive tonight and saw a very sweaty girl smiling like a fool in love, you saw a free daughter of the King. Me. I was just so glad that in His presense if the fullness of joy. I am glad that He ran beside me and He ran through me (for some reason I had a lot of energy today... I think it started with the million things that He is doing in my spirit and it just had to get out somehow... I also had a J.C. from Moe's instead of vegetables or peanut butter crackers for dinner) Anyway.

The Lord has been faithful to make the gospel so personal to me (answered prayer number one). I asked Him "what exactly am I free from? Show me not only my flesh but the absolute root of it. " boy was he faithful to reveal that prideful stuff. The world has deceived me but the TRUTH has set me free.

The world tells me I have to earn everything, right down to the needs only God can meet: love, acceptance, worth/significance, security. I have been told all my life that I can meet those needs through spelling love P-r-a-i-s-e, through earning acceptance by doing nice things (but really, how many nice things are enough nice things) through finding significance in the praise of others and security in my own ability to be strong and control (ummm BIG HUGE LIE: I really am NOT in control even if I feel like it) I have bought into the lie that "I can do it" and it had built up as a stronghold in my life. It's like that little lie lives in a fortress, made stronger by my thinking that all things in my life I deserved because of what I did, how well I performed. But anything not done in faith is sin and my righteous "good" acts are like filthy rags.

So what is pride? It's you being your own God, thinking I don't need God. It's you (and definitely me too) thinking I am capable of meeting my God-given needs, which only GOD can meet, MY way! Who am I to think I can do His job?

And isn't that the original lie? In the garden, Satan told them that they would have knowledge of Good and Evil and they would be AS GOD. Their own God. What a crock that turned out to be!!!! Adam and Eve bought into a lie and were deceived, but all along God had a plan.

And God has a plan for all of us! The Lord has faithfully brought me to a point and I could fill up 100 virtual pages of the details of how he has revealed how so often I try to find life elsewhere. But guess what- there's no life there! And I am humbled.

There is LIFE in the PRESENSE of the LIVING GOD and nowhere else. Being in this bubble for 6 weeks has helped me see that and I can only sit and wait to receive more revelation from Father in His timing because I know His presense is a powerful thing. How refreshing to be still and know that He is God. I really dont think it's a bad thing sometimes (mmm maybe even most of the time) to shut up and stop telling Him who he is (since He already knows that) and just BE. Just acknowledge that He is God. He is Here. Especially those moments of conviction or confusion or worry. One version of Psalm 46 says
10 Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

recognize? understand? Lord please dont let me miss you in the moment! I want more than to acknowledge you: I wanna understand. You are so faithful to lift me from circumstances to see things from your perspective. Thank you that there is no better place than with you, even in the midst of a busy room you are so real. Reveal more God! I trust that you are real and you are living in me so bring revelation knowledge of YOU, the person who loved me and gave himself to pay a great price even while I was still dead in sin, you made me alive in Christ so that you could be with me. That truth is so hard to grasp but I believe it.

I renounce the lie and anything is better than You and joyfully accept the truth that you are the only one who can meet my needs.
I renounce the lie that my worth comes from any source than you because that is idolatry and joyfully joyfully accept the truth that you are eternal, this world and things in it will perish, and I am a partaker of eternal life: Christ's life, and my worth is fully in Him and because you lovingly created me in your very image. I am yours...precious and beloved. Make that a reality to me.

He still speaks!!! The Holy Spirit is our connection- that is one way how God is everywhere- and we communicate spirit to spirit with Him... if you sense a truth in your time of being still and knowing He's God (He's love, He's sovereign, He's true and real) take it on faith that it's him. He has much to say to love on you and to guide you into all truth. That's the Holy spirit's job, not yours! But even if He is silent, His presense is enough. Isn't it good when you are close to someone, when you care about them deeply that silence is ok, in fact even pleasurable and pleasant. Just BEING with that person is enough when you don't have to SAY anything. Sometimes words fall short. Language is so limited but spirit talk- just that heart understanding that is from Father is, well, indescribable. I don't want to miss out. (cool article: http://www.walk-this-way.com/4_keys_virkler.htm one guy's experience)

I am tired of lesser lovers. I am tired of being deceived. Thank you for the full and complete life you offer. Thank you for transforming me. OH I am such a work in progress but I cling to you because knowing you is enough. YOU are enough. You are real. Not a man who walked around 2000 years ago doing cool stuff, but the Jesus who rose to new life and is living today at the right hand of Father and IN Me!!
My mind cant conceive it God but you know I want you! Help me to
recognize
understand

be still.... and KNOW
YOU
are God.

He's breaking me, he's taking out my prideful rebellious side that wants to control.
I find joy in releasing the reigns to my God who is able to do 'immeasurably more than I could ever hope or imagine' HE is better! His ideas are better, His plans are better than any I could imagine on my own. He is my source for life and godliness and my only hope for security and acceptance.

He's been showing me who He is as a Father and Protector. I found myself praising Him for a difficult circumstance in my life, offering it up to Him as it is totally baffling to me of how to handle it. He quickly responded to my heart:

Don't worry about this my precious daughter. You are more valuable to me than you know. I will take care of your situation and you can just rest. Just rest and know that I love you and care deeply for you. You don't have to have all the answers, the why's, the how's because I have them in my hands. I see the big picture. Just trust me.

I was so humbled in that moment. How long have I been trying to control, looking for ways to fix, to make others happy when Father just wanted me to yield to Him?! It's so simple yet he allows circumstances to break us and to show us our deficiency in the midst of His sufficiency. Father is soo trustworthy and in that moment it was like my perspective totally changes, my mood changes, my emotions line up with the truth (even though I still felt a little hurt HE was faithful to lift me out of despair) and I was able to know that i know that i know that He spoke this to me. That's all I need.

As usual, a song came on the i-pod that rang to true by switchfoot:
And I lay my head back down
And I close my eyes and pray
To be only Yours
I pray
To be only Yours
I know that You're my ONLY Hope...

Only His... how incredible is that?! How PERSONAL is that?! It has been amazing to be here in Charlotte and not really have anyone to talk to so that He could bring me to know HIM. Intimately. Our relationship is so personal and I feel like the only girl in the universe that He's crazy about! Nothing shall separate me from His love. NOTHING shall separate me from Him. And I sensed that I am His one and only and we are in this adventure of life together. Whatever goes on around us only brings us closer together. We are inseperable. We are ONE! And He is so worthy of my trust: my only hope. One thing will never change and that is Him.

Thank you Lord that you are the consistent companion of my life. I am so honored to be only Yours- body soul and spirit and deep in my heart of hearts.
Love, Your precious Daughter

I heard this song at church last Sunday after a message on "peace in the midst of Chaos" I really love the words and how clear it paints a relationship with God that he offers all the time, no matter what the circumstance looks like. Gosh this makes me love God so much more. He has invited me to join in the rest that he himself is: Father Son and Holy Spirit- I am part of this perfect relationship... Actively participating from a position of REST- at the right hand of the Father in Christ because of the FINISHED work of the cross. Wow, is He after me or what?!

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistently calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

Chorus: And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine <-- wow, that's the only way to do it! Give up my rights in order for
Him to work!
I reach for You

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through
Hallelujah
- skillet "Rest"

REST is the word God spoke to me today as my mentor and I were meeting Him in prayer. I was pretty frustrated because 1) I want to understand everything about everything and I cant and 2)I so often fear that I will be in the way of what He wants to do or is doing, and sometimes I am just because I am missing Him in the moment... The main way I do that is overanalyze and try to jump ahead to figure everything out.

Thank You Lord that I can't figure it all out- THANK YOU Lord that You are God and I am not!! Thank You Lord for bringing me to the end of myself and leaving me there so I can simply trust you! Thank You Lord that I can't and you can. I have no strength in and of myself. I am weak and I echo the words of Paul:
2 Cor. 5:5Of this same [man's experiences] I will boast, but of myself (personally) I will not boast, except as regards my infirmities (my weaknesses).

Paul even had special revelation from God which he talks about in previous verses, yet God allowed him to remain humble:
7And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn ([a]a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted.

And I know I don't even come close to what Paul understood about the Lord but just when I think I do know something the Lord reminds me that any wisdom I have is His... Any understanding is from HIM, and I am surrendered once again so that I know my life is totally from Him...

8Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and [b]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [c]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

I know without a doubt that I can do nothing apart from Him and anything of power or worth is from Him alone. So often we are told to "BE STRONG, HANG IN THERE" blah, blah, blah. That's junk. How about be weak!? How about boasting in weakness so that "the strength and power of Christ may REST upon me!" Wow. Especially when circumstances are showing how out of control I am (as in I cannot control what happens to me or around me) What a shelter in the midst of confusion or stress or whatever your "chaos" may feel like! There is rest!

THEN the truth of our identity become precious when we are in this place of brokenness (end of self- so much so that we have to allow Christ to reign) It is such a gift that even in this place, at ground zero, we are given righteousness, sainthood, love, adoption as sons and daughters to never be forsaken, freedom to be ourselves, freedom to love with the infinite love of father instead of our own strength... Knowing that NONE of that is our own, but totally from Him- That's what makes it so precious! THAT is the identity truth we can LIVE out of! And guess what? Father is committed to our yielding to him from a place of brokenness... Think about a horse who gets broken so that it will yield to it's rider. . . Same with us. Who doesn't want to yield control to the Father who knows us best, and knows WHAT's best? That's why Paul can be glad in all circumstances, and I can too:

2 Cor 5:10-So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [[d]in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful [e]in divine strength).

Phil. 4:11-Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be (R)content in whatever circumstances I am. 12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going (S)hungry, both of having abundance and (T)suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who (U)strengthens me.

Don't fight the circumstances... Let the Lord embrace you in the midst of them and speak to your heart where he wants you to give Him control... where he wants you to admit your weakness so HE can show you clearly where He can be strong. He will give is ABOUNDING grace in the place of your weakness. His grace to rest when you wanna work it out yourself, His grace to turn from temptation if you will just ask Him, His grace to have joy instead of mourning, His grace to just BE instead of DO. Yep- thanks for reminding me of my weaknesses apart from you Lord so that you remind me of how you exchanged them all for YOU at the cross. Thank you for your strong, grace-filled, peaceful life that's living through me!

"The strength of weakness always consummates in victory through abounding grace and strength." -Jack Taylor You say there's no change in the circumstances? Well, it doesn't take a change in circumstance to bring victory. HE is victory and HE is in me! Therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, like Paul did and like Jesus did, living on the earth in human form, totally dependent on His Father.

1 Corinthians 2
1When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a] 2For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the spirits power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

So once again God delivered me from being in control- HE is in control and He will do what He wants. My job is just to trust Him, yield to Him, and acknowledge that I can do nothing apart from Him (John 15). What a great place to be! Totally desperate!

When God reveals truth, it makes no difference unless we respond. If there's a lie we know we have been living out of we have a choice: we must set our minds on the truth. Today we called it "REDECIDING":
1. Own responsibility (don't blame or make excuses) for feelings and behavior
2. Ask God to reveal the real issues. Why? To deal with the root of the problem.
3. REJECT that lie!
4. Believe the truth and RECEIVE it for yourself (why is this good news for you!? How does it affect your belief system?)
5. Yield (say Yes to Him and no to your self strength)to Christ in order to depend on Christ alone.
6. RISK NEW BEHAVIOR(act like who you are: Complete and righteous in Christ) ! Yep, try it out. Give that truth a chance by actually living and acting like it's true. You will be suprised how quickly it may become a reality. Don't let Satan convince you otherwise.

Other ways to freedom include
-forgiveness (yep, you no longer have to devote energy planning the demise of someone else... that 's GOD's responsibility. Beside, Christ has already payed the debt that you may feel like that person owes you!),
-Identification with Christ in His earthly walk (Jesus was in human form, totally depending on His Father... TOTALLY- read it in the word: "i am my father are one"),
-Relinquishment of rights (if i hang on to rights, i am saying that i still have some control(i can be independent of God, I am my own God), and if i still think I have control i am up for a big disappointment... isn't it GOD who is GOD, and I am not?),
-Acceptance of ourselves (right where we are at... not trying to fix ourselves but keeping our focus totally on Him as He forms Christ in us!).

Remember: God uses people and circumstances(two things that we have no control over) to FREE us to enter into WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST! (When we know who we are, we are free to be naked and unashamed; vulnerable and transparent because we are totally accepted in the beloved.)

FAITH is a CHOICE not a FEELING!!!!! Faith is what God asks of us. OUr responsibility is to choose to resist the devil's temptations and lies by taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. We can hand it over to Him and the finished work of the Cross- He has given us authority over this because of His power at work inside of us!

From "How to Walk in the Will of God"
by Malcolm Smith

We are alive NOW, not waiting for that 'great thing' in the future:
"I was in grave danger of missing the wonder of today while I waited for tomorrow. I looked around at my friends. They were restless in their jobs, waiting for the job or vacation that would be the will of God."

What a joy it is to enjoy Him in the moment. It was such a relief this morning to know (not necessarily feel but just know in the depths of me) that as I tried to decide between peanut butter crackers or a chewy bar for breakfast that He was with me and was a companion in deciding.

"God in us is willing His will. His desired are expressed in us and He puts His mind in our so that we can say that we have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:18). There are no secondary roads or permissive wills- Christ is the will of God. We are no longer obsessed with a place, but with Christ who is our life, the "yes" of God's will within us. ... THe wisdom of God was not an inevitable plan - it was a person living in me wherever I happened to find myself. It was no longer a matter of what i was doing, but Who I was expressing in what I was doing"

"The focus of God's wisdom is not a cold blueprint, but the person of the Lord Jesus Christ...God does not give us a list of rules or directions, but gives us Himself in the person of Jesus, and that Jesus in us by the Holy Spirit...God's perfect method for achieving His perfect plan is to put His will within us. It is not an elusive blueprint outside of us, but His Son within to be realized."

"He is not bound by one road to achieve His purpose"

"[the will of God] was not something outside of him to be discovered, but a "yes" to be found within his own desires...The Acts show us men who are in a vital unity with the Spirit, makinmg free decisions. In tha tunity the Spirit does not give us continual green lights, only red ones."

****"We miss the wonder of the moment by always looking ahead to the unusual and extraordinary 'will of God.' THe magnificent will fo God is to be found within every ordinary moment. THere is no such thing as the mundane or secular. when we were born again we entered the religious life, and wherever we might find ourselves, Christ is our life."

"WALK OUT NOW INTO LIFE AND LET CHRIST BE YOUR LIFE. HE IN YOU IS THE WILL OF GOD; AND YOU LIVING OUT OF HIM IS THE JOY OF THE LORD."

I pray that this frees you up to enjoy life in Christ!!

Truth is good stuff but it can't do it's job if we don't respond to it... if we dont walk in it... if we acknowledge it with our lips but deny it with our hearts. It's one thing to understand/see the light but another to step out in faith, in an act of our will because God is not gonna override our will. He is patient and kind, not overbearing or controlling! He NEVER acts out of character. (Neil Anderson) Our responsibility is to respond...and when we yield our will to Him that we WANT Him to do his thing, HE is the POWER behind it! (That's what willpower is: My will, HIS power! -Juan-carlos Ortiz) He's not going to make us choose or beg us to do so!

Believe it or not you are only as miserable as you allow yourself to be. He offers the grace and peace to lift you out of that situation (Psalm 40) Read any of the psalms and you will see the author shout out to God how he feels, but he is probably just making those feelings known out loud to the Lord, not stuffing them down, so that the author can vent them and can be brutally honest with his Father. The Lord sees our hearts and we just confess in agreement with what we know he sees- We have nothing to hide!! And He still loves us just the SAME! Once we do release all this which is inside though, it leaves so much room for him to come and fill us with Himself. Once again we see how only Christ can complete us. He truly is the answer to EVERYTHING.

satan's definition of a hypocrite:
acting different than how i FEEL

God's definition of a hypocrite:
acting different than who I AM.


How often do i justify totally acting out of my feelings, which are often in line with lies I believe instead of the truth about me (righteous, Holy, at peace).
Hmm...

I am currently going though a little something...causing some mental turmoil... so... one thing i do know is that i am in a fog but praise the lord for it. i don't just need Him every hour- i am so desperate that i need him every SECOND! My head is in such turmoil that i can't even think outside of the moment.. i can't even live in the moment- that is too long. i need Him every fraction of a second to sustain me. he has really brought me to surrender here and extreme dependence... the scary thing is i think that is how it's meant to be. total dependence, and more often than not it takes suffering, loneliness, trauma, you name it, it takes tough stuff to come to deeper and deeper dependence.(consider His servant Job) i am scared of what may be to come and that he may ask for more dependence but i can rest and know that i only have to take it one second at a time. i can trust him for a second as He guides me into the next. Boy, am I squeezing His hand tight!

PEACE does not lie in my circumstance!! I sometimes find myself trying to be a 'peace-maker' which is a flesh pattern of mine and fix things and make peace happen. what does God say? Well he doesn't promise life will be easy, stress-free, or always happy. He says simple 'be still and Know that I am God" In other words STOP! Stop trying to fix it yourself and make sense of things and know that I am God who provides all peace and sustenance. There is peace and rest in the midst of this. and you will find it no where else.

Colossians 3
He Is Your Life 1So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. 2Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ--that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.-the message

Aaah! It's not about our circumstances! It's about trusting Him, setting our hearts and minds on Him in each moment. Recongnizing our union with Him, participating in the divine invitation to rest- casting all our cares upon Him.

Pray without ceasing. Man that seems impossible... or is it?

I have so loved inviting Jesus into everymoment. You have probably heard of 'grace for the moment', but do you know Grace is a Person? I fully believe Grace is Jesus! We need Him in each moment. As you recognize His presense you will have more revelation and more excitement and more joy because like Psalm 16:11 says,
"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

John 1: 16From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Eph 3:4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Wow. This is staggering! I am trying to study for boards exam and I just can't get it off my mind! If you think of grace as a person, does it not make this scripture come alive?! Grace is Alive- And He's living in ME! That's the power of Christ living in me! That's why I can have peace and grace in each moment because I am imdwelled by THE Peace and THE Grace: THE Son of God! I am IN HIM and He is in me! Let that sink in for a minute...

Jesus (can you picture me holding my shirt out and speaking into my own chest where He lives in me?) thank you for loving me and for going to the cross even while we were still sinners and disgusting. Thank you God for giving this great gift and all we have to do is believe that's what you really did. It's by [Christ] we've been saved through faith: Not a work of my own. It's not my faith that makes it powerful, thank goodness b/c I don't have much, but it's the object of my faith! YOU!

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=58&chapter=2&version=45&context=chapter

Read col chapter 2 from the amplified bible... it says it all better than I can! The brackets are the amplified translations of words... i love where it says that faith is in [e]leaning of the entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness].

6As you have therefore received Christ, [even] Jesus the Lord, [so] walk (regulate your lives and conduct yourselves) in union with and conformity to Him.
7Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving.

If He is in us and we are in Him, that's pretty united right? The more we walk in our one-ness with Him the more we can trust that we have His power, wisdom, goodness, etc!!!!!
PLEASE read this chapter for yourself and let the Holy Spirit reveal it to you.